A Baby Is Supposed To Bring You Together And Strengthen Your Bond

There’s a notion that having a child would strengthen your relationship, bring you closer together and cement over any cracks with your partner, boyfriend or husband. So why does it feel like they’re pushing us apart?
Some days I look at Mr Firstooth and feel estranged from him, like we haven’t really spoken for a while, other than the occasional grunt at the offering of a tea or kiss goodnight. I wonder sometimes who is he? The truth is he’s my best friend, my partner and the father of my children, he’s my everything. But I can’t help but feel distance between us.

I live in the comfort that we have a fairly solid relationship. We laugh, cry, bicker, hug and kiss each other regularly. We do enjoy eachothers company and that gives me the hope that we will never part ways. That we just need to put work into our relationship, instead of taking for granted that we’re with eachother, because that’d be a slippery slope to unhappiness. Since having children we’ve realised that without a stable happy relationship to begin with, it’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of parenting, that you end up drifting apart.

If we are lucky enough to have alone time, it feels a little alien, I’m trying to think of a conversation but I can’t and sometimes I’m so exhausted that I just can’t be bothered. Sometimes our only conversation is the children, it makes me wonder what our long conversations were about before. What did we talk about? Yet this is down to us, instead of bobbing along in a content relationship we need to put more time in to having fun together and build on the foundations we already have. This doesn’t mean we need to abandon kids (although it’d be nice for a day).

We bicker a lot more since we’ve become parents, God love him for putting up with my emotionally unstable state (on tantrum filled days that require strong willpower to keep it together). Our bickering stems from us being haggard and tired from our day, then starts the ‘my day was worse than your day’ debate. But take note that when both of the children are ill and we can’t leave the house and my last clean top now has sick on it, my day was worse than your day.

Children put a lot of pressure on a relationship, their needs are priority over eachothers. That’s just what happens, it’s no ones fault but ours for forgetting about eachother. Becoming a little more like roommates than soppy soul mates. That being said, we are a team, we parent as teammates and try hard to stand united when it comes to our family. So how do we bring ourselves closer together?

I think the only answer for us right now is make the most of our alone time. Talk more, hopefully conversations will come more naturally and be more than just a short, blunt sentence. Put less pressure on each other and let the little things go, we are eachothers outlets, which should be used in a constructive way, not to take things out on eachother. It’s common for relationships to go through this, but so important to not let it slip away and to appreciate eachother. I don’t know what I’d do without Mr Firstooth, perhaps I’ll tell him that?

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8 Comments

  1. newmummyblogcom
    November 25, 2015 / 7:54 am

    It does change, doesn’t it! So many conversations about little one! I think as we got past the first weeks of newborn autopilot crazyness, we became more ourselves again – probably due to several reasons and some to do with the pains of childbirth!! But, I think as we now have evenings alone, when H is in bed, we do have other conversations and try to watch (become completely immersed in) box sets like we did before, or have a nice dinner… Or decorate the house discussions. It’s finding common interests or projects that help.
    #bestandworst

    • LizzieG
      November 25, 2015 / 9:18 pm

      We’re the same! We have our regular soaps and such in the evenings but we don’t talk much through them because they’re either so dramatic or funny! Having things in common definitely helps, our daily lives are so different (working vs taking care of children) that we run out of topics fast x

  2. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM)
    November 25, 2015 / 10:03 am

    It’s so funny how there is this perception having kids can strengthen or save a relationship when in fact I think the opposite is true. Just know you guys are not alone as everyone I know with kids says the same. Talking is the way though and trying to make time for each other. It’s so easy to feel selfish but I’ve found it really helps to spoil the other half occasionally ad it reminds him to spoil me ha ha lovely honest post #best and worst xx

    • LizzieG
      November 25, 2015 / 9:22 pm

      Yes I can never understand when people think children help a relationship, they’re a wonderful way to complete a family and such a blessing but they definitely show any cracks in a partnership. I’m comforted that it is all normal and it’ll pass because the children do come first, it helps to talk about it. I am trying hard to be a bit more loving, than tired, moany and sluggish (it’s tough). Thank you! Xx

  3. November 25, 2015 / 1:00 pm

    I think a baby is brutal on a relationship if you aren’t careful. The only time you have together is a few hours at night before passing out exhausted and its easy to let the little become the only thing you concentrate on. Finding alone time where you don’t talk about the baby is key

    • LizzieG
      November 26, 2015 / 6:15 am

      I couldn’t agree more! The children always seem to crop up in comversation, in our alone time that we’ve put in effort to create

  4. November 25, 2015 / 1:22 pm

    Me and my hubby say “I don’t know who you are” as a joke and my hubby says “wanna get to know me?” Wink! It’s fun but there is some truth to it. We can feel like ships in the night and really have to make an effort to chat. It’s usually pillow talk before sleep. Luckily when we are out we often don’t talk about our daughter all the time and that’s nice. Good luck and do tell your hubby you can’t live without him. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst and see you soon xx

    • LizzieG
      November 26, 2015 / 6:18 am

      He sounds similar to my cheeky man! I did tell him and he said, he knows, such a romantic! We are hopefully having an evening together soon it’s feels a little like a first date! Xx

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