There’s a notion that having a child would strengthen your relationship, bring you closer together and cement over any cracks with your partner, boyfriend or husband. So why does it feel like they’re pushing us apart?
Some days I look at Mr Firstooth and feel estranged from him, like we haven’t really spoken for a while, other than the occasional grunt at the offering of a tea or kiss goodnight. I wonder sometimes who is he? The truth is he’s my best friend, my partner and the father of my children, he’s my everything. But I can’t help but feel distance between us.
I live in the comfort that we have a fairly solid relationship. We laugh, cry, bicker, hug and kiss each other regularly. We do enjoy eachothers company and that gives me the hope that we will never part ways. That we just need to put work into our relationship, instead of taking for granted that we’re with eachother, because that’d be a slippery slope to unhappiness. Since having children we’ve realised that without a stable happy relationship to begin with, it’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of parenting, that you end up drifting apart.
If we are lucky enough to have alone time, it feels a little alien, I’m trying to think of a conversation but I can’t and sometimes I’m so exhausted that I just can’t be bothered. Sometimes our only conversation is the children, it makes me wonder what our long conversations were about before. What did we talk about? Yet this is down to us, instead of bobbing along in a content relationship we need to put more time in to having fun together and build on the foundations we already have. This doesn’t mean we need to abandon kids (although it’d be nice for a day).
We bicker a lot more since we’ve become parents, God love him for putting up with my emotionally unstable state (on tantrum filled days that require strong willpower to keep it together). Our bickering stems from us being haggard and tired from our day, then starts the ‘my day was worse than your day’ debate. But take note that when both of the children are ill and we can’t leave the house and my last clean top now has sick on it, my day was worse than your day.
Children put a lot of pressure on a relationship, their needs are priority over eachothers. That’s just what happens, it’s no ones fault but ours for forgetting about eachother. Becoming a little more like roommates than soppy soul mates. That being said, we are a team, we parent as teammates and try hard to stand united when it comes to our family. So how do we bring ourselves closer together?
I think the only answer for us right now is make the most of our alone time. Talk more, hopefully conversations will come more naturally and be more than just a short, blunt sentence. Put less pressure on each other and let the little things go, we are eachothers outlets, which should be used in a constructive way, not to take things out on eachother. It’s common for relationships to go through this, but so important to not let it slip away and to appreciate eachother. I don’t know what I’d do without Mr Firstooth, perhaps I’ll tell him that?