Being a Mum has made me Rename Body Parts

We now have the ‘Mummy Tummy’, a tummy which I can barely stand to look at some days. Don’t get me wrong I love that my mummy tummy grew the two little beings that I kiss and cuddle every night, but it’s empty now, clearly empty and it’s hanging. If you were to take a sausage and squeeze out the pork, draw on some red squiggly lines with a felt pen, the resemblance to my mummy tummy would be uncanny.

I have debates with Mr Firstooth over my stomach. It’ll start with ”you won’t leave me because it’s all stretched and a bit gross will you?” and it’ll end with ”how could you leave me?! you’re the co-creator of my wobbly bits!” There’s no in between, I turn into an irrational, kind of pregnant-looking, non-pregnant lady at the mention of my tyre.

”but you look great”

”spandex”

I will forever be grateful to this sagging bit of skin for housing my two wonderful children, but if ever I win the lottery, it’ll be known as ‘mummy’s tucked tummy’. Until then, this mummy’s tummy will forever be my frenemy.

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Is mum thighs a thing too? Or maybe mum knees? I used to have knees, I’m sure I did

Mum butt. Mum bum. Mum ass. Call it what you like, but it means a bum that doubled in size during your pregnancy (why? I don’t know, I only ate takeaways seven days a week. Weird.) At least I can say my bums bigger than Kim K’s bum, and I need never ask ‘does my bum look big in this’. Yes. It looks big in everything.

I will work on reducing the size of my mum butt. Squatting, so that it too doesn’t sag with its nearby neighbour, mummy tummy. Walking, hopefully my mum thighs don’t rub together and chafe. It does make for good seat padding though.

The other night our toddler slept in our bed, toddlers sleep weirdly don’t they, normal in their bed but like a violent sprawled out gorilla in their parents. Weird. Anyway, he was sleeping sideways, with his feet pressed against his dads ribs and his head rested on my bum. Like a pillow. He should count his blessings that no curries were consumed that evening or half his head may have melted.


Mum tits. Eurgh. We’ll say ‘mum boobs’ instead, eventhough the other phrase seems more popular. (Not in this house. ‘Tit’ is only said when describing a silly person, even then I prefer ‘twit’).

My mum boobs droop. They’ve lost their elasticity to sit perk on my chest. If you look at my chest you’d wonder where the devil my boobs have gone, cast your eyes downwards (follow the stretchmarks) and you’ll notice they’re hanging a little above my belly button. Ah, mum boobs, thank God for sports bras or I don’t know what I’d do with you. Tie them in a knot and sling them over my shoulder maybe? Who knows.

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Mum hair, it’s long, sure. But don’t look too close just in case my frazzled ends catch your eyes. And check out those tired mum bags. Mum bags doesn’t mean the Mulberry bag I’ve been desperate to purchase for years. I’ll never own a Mulberry bag, but under-eye bags come free with children

Mum hair. Yes, this is a thing. I have ‘mum hair’ everyday, unless the Queen is visiting, or we’re leaving the house – to see the Queen. Mum hair is hair scraped back into a bun, maybe sprayed with copious amounts of dry shampoo. Perhaps not washed in a few days, a little frazzled and occasionally a Cheerio can be found in amongst the mess. Peanut butter is always found in amongst the mess.

I don’t have time to ‘do’ my hair anymore (*stares longingly at the hair straighteners),  I had a small phase where I managed to blow-dry my hair, then the toddler became too interested in the hair-dryer and the whole idea became a bit dangerous. I’ve not even had my long, crispy tresses cut since before baby two arrived. The only trim I get now is when my children rip out half my hair brush my hair, or I get a few spare minutes to pick at any split ends. That’s one of my favourite past-times, taking to split-ends with nail scissors, my nights are wild. So, ‘mum hair’ is the way forward. For mums. If you don’t have children then use your hair products now before they’re laid off, don’t try straightening your hair with toddlers, they’re attracted to things that will seriously harm them.

Have you obtained new ‘mum’ body parts since becoming a parent?

*Please note I used a filter on the second picture, the unfiltered version shows my my ‘mum spots’, blood-shot eyes, ‘mum chin’ and I’m sure there was some kind of crust on my shirt, you don’t want to see that do you?*


I enjoy reading and replying to all of your comments, they really make me smile and many make me laugh! If you enjoyed reading then throw a comment in the box below or use the share buttons for your buddies to read, maybe they need a laugh…

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47 Comments

  1. January 16, 2016 / 8:07 am

    I’m with you! Since becoming a mummy my part are all Mummu now! Lol. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

  2. Nige
    January 16, 2016 / 8:30 am

    Great post sure you are not alone with renaming body parts I know my wife has #justanotherlinky

    • firstooth
      January 16, 2016 / 9:52 pm

      Thank you! She sounds like my kinda mum then 🙂

  3. January 16, 2016 / 10:59 am

    Haha this is great. Yup I have renamed a few parts!
    Thanks for linking up with #justanotherlinky

    • firstooth
      January 16, 2016 / 9:51 pm

      Thanks! 🙂

  4. January 16, 2016 / 11:48 am

    Oh yes, I can relate to this. I definitely have a mummy tummy and my bum is bigger than it once was. I’m sure my hips are also much wider too. Thank goodness for Spandex! Mum hair is less of an issue now though after I decided that enough was enough and had it cut short – much better!

    • firstooth
      January 16, 2016 / 9:50 pm

      Oh yes the hips! How did I forget mum hips?! That’s a great idea, I consider chopping it off quite regularly

  5. January 16, 2016 / 2:10 pm

    I’ve got the lot! I’m most confused by my mum boobs sometimes I love that they’re smaller and I can wear more, sometimes I miss them. I’m very good at not paying attention to details so I never look behind me at the mum bum. #justanotherlinky

    • firstooth
      January 16, 2016 / 9:49 pm

      I’d opt for smaller I think, or just ones that haven’t given up on life. Mum bums are great, especially when ‘sculpted’ in spandex 😉

  6. January 16, 2016 / 8:24 pm

    Totally relate to this! My ‘mum tum’ is nicknamed the overhang – that’s what the health visitor called it when she came to check up on my c-section scar and it kind of stuck. I live in hope of banishing the overhang one day though… 🙂 #justanotherlinky

    • firstooth
      January 16, 2016 / 9:41 pm

      Me too, if I win the lottery I will take you with me and we can get our overhang’s banished, buy a bikini and sip on a cocktail somewhere sunny. We’ll just have to tuck it in our knickers until then x

  7. January 16, 2016 / 10:53 pm

    I’m afraid Mumy bits are the way it goes. My Mummy tummy is my pet hate too. #KCACOLS

  8. January 17, 2016 / 12:17 am

    I am so with you on the Mum-bags under the eyes. Today I looked in the mirror and I basically saw my dad. I’m also sure that my tummy is actually getting bigger as time goes on rather than shrinking down to it’s pre-child size. That can’t be right, surely?

    • firstooth
      January 17, 2016 / 11:37 am

      That really made me laugh! My tummy is the same, is this a thing? Should we be worried? I’m typing this eating a sausage sandwich… maybe that’s my reason??!

  9. January 17, 2016 / 9:12 am

    I do not yet have kids, this post definitely made me chuckle. I have seen my mummy friends who have renamed their body parts too.

    • firstooth
      January 17, 2016 / 11:43 am

      Hehe thanks! It’s a must I think

  10. January 17, 2016 / 10:42 am

    I’m not a parent but I did enjoy reading this post!

    • firstooth
      January 17, 2016 / 11:44 am

      Thank you!

  11. January 17, 2016 / 10:49 am

    This made my smile and laugh as a tribute to all my bits that have gone that way too! Love the ‘does my bum look big in this’ comment. #KCACOLS

    • firstooth
      January 17, 2016 / 11:45 am

      Thank you!! We can own our mummy bits with pride

  12. January 17, 2016 / 11:18 am

    I have all of these delights. My straighteners are dusty due to lack of use. There is no concealer that is up to the challenge of hiding my bags (believe me, I have tried them all!) Part and parcel of being a mummy I guess! Becky x #KCACOLS

    • firstooth
      January 17, 2016 / 11:48 am

      I use a bare minerals stick for my non-mulberry bags and they’re hidden quite well. But I look like death once I take my makeup off. Our mummy parts are definitely a free inclusive that’s born with our babies x

  13. January 17, 2016 / 12:50 pm

    Totally with you on this one! Haha fantastic post and SO relatable! #KCACOLS

    • firstooth
      January 18, 2016 / 10:36 pm

      Thank you!

  14. January 17, 2016 / 9:42 pm

    Ahhh I know this well! Things definitely are not the same once you’ve had children are they? I HATE my mummy tummy and don’t think I will ever get rid of it!

    You look FAB though!

    Thanks so much for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again next Sunday xx

  15. January 17, 2016 / 10:56 pm

    Brilliant, I can SO relate to this! Mum hair all the way!

  16. January 18, 2016 / 9:41 am

    Haha I am also a carrier of the mum tum, and after a C section it is not to be seen in public :p I also sport the “mum dark circles under eyes” from 5am wake ups and late screamy nights! could take my eye bags shopping! haha love this! #KCACOLS

  17. January 18, 2016 / 1:10 pm

    So true! My eye bags have eye bags 🙂

    • firstooth
      January 20, 2016 / 11:47 am

      Haha!!

  18. Mommy's Little Princesses
    January 18, 2016 / 1:11 pm

    Oh me Oh my I can totally relate to this! I’m sorry upon reading this I seemed to have giggled through most of it. Not because it’s funny, but more to the fact that it is scarily true…. My mummy tummy also gets to me, and the fact that I now have a huge scar starting in the middle of my chest and ending under my right rib doesn’t help.xx #KCACOLS

    • firstooth
      January 20, 2016 / 11:49 am

      I’m glad it made you laugh, we’ve got to find humour in these things haven’t we! I hope your scar wasn’t from anything too terrible, thankfully scars fade and it’s a reminder of what a strong mum you are xx

  19. January 19, 2016 / 9:38 am

    Yep, I have the mum thighs, but and tummy! And spend my life fretting over them but hey-ho I have two lovely girls so I guess that was the trade off. #twinklytuesday

    • firstooth
      January 20, 2016 / 11:47 am

      Every cloud has its silver lining. And for us it comes in a cute baby package

  20. January 19, 2016 / 10:21 am

    I definetly have all of these body parts! Haha.
    Especially mum boobs. I regularly flop them over my shoulder! Haha.

    • firstooth
      January 20, 2016 / 11:46 am

      Love it! Perfect for winter instead of a scarf right?

  21. January 20, 2016 / 2:00 pm

    The boobs yessss! Mine were never that big but since having my daughter they are shrivelled and have a stretch mark. I need a sport’s bra pretty much or a huge padded one! Good job we love them eh? (the kiddies!) Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

  22. January 20, 2016 / 4:03 pm

    I cannot get rid of my mum tum either. Just will not happen. I do not eat lots, I exercise, but still got the wobbly belly! ARRGGHHH #bestandworst

    • firstooth
      January 20, 2016 / 6:20 pm

      I know how you feel. I think nothing short of surgery will pop my sunken tummy back into place. But thank goodness for tummy control tops!

  23. January 20, 2016 / 8:10 pm

    I know you said you edited the pic bit honestly I think you look great. I definately have the mum tum after three kids and the mum boobs. Mine dint hang at my knees thougH but only because mine have disappeared all together. I have boy boobs now. And don’t even get me started on the mum hair. Mine fell out after having the kids and I have quite a few embarrassing tufty bits all over my head now. Pregnancy and birth eh? It’s a wonderful thing 😉

    #bestandworst

  24. January 20, 2016 / 11:15 pm

    Oh yes mummy tummy, but also the shiny silver mummy marks!

  25. January 21, 2016 / 6:03 pm

    Haha.Mum tum is just the way it seems to be – I hate mine! I’ve had 4 children but I think it looked pretty horrendous after the first! I enjoyed reading this 🙂

  26. January 21, 2016 / 8:14 pm

    I would defintley like a tucked tum haha, I also have huge hair envy, even if you have got frazzled ends (which for the record I can’t see!). Thanks for linking up #bestandworst x

  27. January 22, 2016 / 7:14 pm

    Haha unless the queen is visiting – love it! I don’t like the word tit either, weirdly my mum and I were discussing the word the other day. Thank you for joining in #HappyDaysLinky x

  28. January 22, 2016 / 10:10 pm

    LOVE this! I am going to share on my FB page. I have all these mum body parts too, I don’t wear my hair in a bun though because I have sticky outy bits of regrowth near my temples which look like horns when my hair is up… Thanks for linking up with #HappyDaysLinky x

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:44 pm

      Thanks so much for sharing!! I’m really glad you enjoyed. That’s part of mum hair too, no-one would judge 😉 thanks for hosting! x

  29. January 24, 2016 / 5:29 pm

    He he! Can so relate to this post. With baby number two on the way im dreading to see what state this body is left in after their arrival. I have to say, im loving your mum hair though, even if it is a bit split and frazzled 😉 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:22 pm

      It sounds like you’ve been eating well though, so I’m sure you’ll look fab after baby two. I craved all things greasy – yuck. Ah thanks!

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