12 Things That Made me a Terrible Parent

Do you ever feel a bit awful about the parenting things you do? Do you ever hang your head in shame when you just can’t be bothered to cook dinner and opt for fishfingers, boil-in-a-bag veg and beans (98% of the time there is no veg, I just added that in for effect), is that just me? Does this make me a terrible parent? I’m the person forcing this guilt onto myself, when the kids really enjoy things that make me feel guilty. Of course they do. Lazy dinners, biscuit bribes, using a supermarket trip as a day-out. All things the kids enjoy (unless they’re in beast mode, then they enjoy literally nothing), but I feel a niggle of guilt. A niggle that makes me feel a bit boring, like I’m not superseding my parenting duties.

That’s all normal. I’m at peace with it and won’t be upping my game, because my babes are happy.

Then there’s those times your children really want to make you feel guilty, but you don’t. You know these times, if your toddler wants to get in a car you don’t own and you don’t let them or you take them to the zoo for the day and they hate every second. No guilt felt. But lots of upset children. But, you knew there’d be a but, they do make me feel like a terrible mum. I feel terrible that they’re so angry, frustrated or upset about something so minor, which sometimes I cant even resolve. Sometimes I don’t want to resolve it, I resort to my stubborn inner-child.

I won’t give in to their demands

We will have a nice day

I’m going to pretend you’re not rolling on the ground screaming

There, that’s better, have a biscuit. Oh crap…

There are so many ways to be a terrible parent. I’m reminded regularly, with whining, tantrums and flying sippy cups that I’m a bit crappy at times. Here’s 12 things I’ve done this week, making me a terrible parent:

  1. Putting clothes on my children. Clothes burn my childrens skin, getting dressed means chasing both children around the house trying to throw a top over their heads, like a game of ring-toss and trip them up to whip on their jeans. What don’t I understand about them just wanting to be naked? Just terrible.
  2. Not letting my toddler speak to the Sky engineer on the phone. He really wanted to speak to the Sky man, really, really. Bastard mummy hung up the phone before he got the chance to, and then had the cheek to lie and say ‘he’s still on the phone’. Tut, tut.
  3. I gave my son the yellow bottle when he asked for ‘wed’ not ‘yeyyow’
  4. I said ‘no’ when the toddler asked to walk around the house with his chocolate cereal. He’s always careful. His careful means our once cream carpet is now a patchy brown, which sticks to your feet like velcro when you walk on it. He doesn’t care about our carpets.
  5. I said our TV had broken because I just couldn’t take another minute of Peppa flipping Pig. He gets more excited about watching an episode he’s seen 167 times, because he knows what happens, he can narrate. A piece of my brain dies each time I hear the theme tune
  6. I spent hours cooking a roast dinner, chicken, roast potatoes, the lot. Roast dinners are disgusting. Why didn’t I just make cheese on toast, digestives with a side of fishfingers or pizza, they always eat pizza. It’s almost known amongst toddlers as ‘child abuse’ when vegetables sit on their plate disguised under gravy, they’re not stupid. I’m stupid.
  7. His blue sleeping bags were in the wash and the only option was his sisters spare pink one at bedtime. I’m such an asshole for even suggesting this.
  8. They wouldn’t nap when they were supposed to and now they’re tired. This is my fault.
  9. In the middle of the night the baby realised she was hungry. I gave her milk and left the room. I left the room. As punishment the baby will be up for the next three hours and wake up at 6am. She’ll be tired but again, this is my fault.
  10. The toddler was whingeing, I couldn’t figure out what he was whining about through his whiney nonsense. I should always know why he’s upset, this is punishable with more whingeing.
  11. My toddler told me Jake (and the Neverland Pirates) were looking for treasure. And I didn’t care.
  12. We took them to the soft-play centre and the receptionist needed his shoes. He didn’t want to give his shoes in. It took repeating ”you’ll get them back” until my mouth went all dry and gross, before he realised we were there for him, to play.

terrible parent

Terrible mum at work above – sleeping on the job

This week I was a terrible parent. You can measure a terrible mum by the level of anger coming from her child. Sometimes you can measure it by the steam coming from a mums ears, or when a mum breaks a sweat, mums should never break a sweat. I will probably be a terrible mum again next week, but I like to think that my cuddles at 2am when they need it, the biscuit treats I give them and the amount of hours I spend playing Lego, makes up for it. It probably won’t. But the belly-aching laughs we have makes me feel like the best mum ever. We laugh a lot.


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43 Comments

  1. January 20, 2016 / 11:44 am

    Haha, this is great! The description about your brain dying when peppa pig comes on is exactly the same for me! 🙂

  2. January 20, 2016 / 2:21 pm

    we’ve all had these days. Where nothing you do seems good enough. They’ll get over it

    • firstooth
      January 20, 2016 / 2:28 pm

      That’s the best thing about toddlers, they’re over it quick (most of the time) and there’s no hard feelings

  3. January 20, 2016 / 8:57 pm

    This made me smile, I bet it’s happening in homes up and down the country.

  4. January 21, 2016 / 9:09 am

    Love it! Some days are an uphill battle that you know you are just not going to win! So why not just surrender, flick on CBeebies and go with the flow. #coolmumsclub

  5. January 21, 2016 / 9:35 am

    I so relate to this! This week I was a terrible mum which culminated in me throwing my girl’s Gingerbread Man in the bin at dinner time as I was so sick of her whining for it all day! Literally hated myself. Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub – hoping next week will be better for us both! x

  6. January 21, 2016 / 9:58 am

    Number 9 at 4am. And then no sleep again until 8am. ‘Playtime’ = helltime. Love your humour x
    #brilliantblogposts

  7. January 21, 2016 / 3:49 pm

    Oh I can so relate to this – I am definitely a terrible mum too! I have to admit to having told my children that the TV is broken and we’ll have to wait for daddy to come home and fix it on more than one occasion! Those laughs and cuddles though do make you feel like the best mum ever and sounds like you’re doing a pretty fab job to me, even if your toddler doesn’t always agree! #coolmumclub

  8. January 21, 2016 / 9:05 pm

    3, 8 and 12 though! You got me in the feels! Ray xx #BrillBlogPosts

    • firstooth
      January 22, 2016 / 3:46 am

      Lol!! Thank you xx

  9. January 21, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    I am having an awful day, I stumbled across your blog and i’m glad I did. Literally laughed out loud and can relate to most (if not, all) of these!
    So thank you. x

    • firstooth
      January 22, 2016 / 3:45 am

      I’m sorry to hear you’re having a bad day, but I’m so glad my rambles made you laugh! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment too. I hope tomorrow is a much happier one (passes virtual wine) x

  10. January 21, 2016 / 9:26 pm

    My 9 month old climbed into the shower, pulled the hair catcher up, removed the metal drain and REALLY WANTED TO PUT IT IN HER MOUTH, mouldy hair gunk and all. I would not let her. How she wailed.

    Also: outdoor clothes.

    • firstooth
      January 22, 2016 / 3:44 am

      My daughter does the same thing! I’m like eurgh gross, really gross. But they enjoy the weirdest and most disgusting things don’t they, little oddballs!

  11. January 22, 2016 / 9:07 am

    Bahahahahaha. Yes, we had cream carpet once too!! Haha. Love that photo of you on the floor. Such a familiar sight 🙂

  12. January 22, 2016 / 9:17 am

    pretty much gurantee i will end up guilty of most of these! Dont worry xx

    #thelist

  13. January 22, 2016 / 10:19 am

    Ah those were the days! Now I’m an embarrassing mum (they don’t seem to realise that it could be so much worse!), not sure which I prefer?! #TheList

  14. January 22, 2016 / 10:19 am

    As long as you keep laughing that’s the main thing, because let’s face it, if we didn’t laugh we’d cry! #effitfriday

  15. January 22, 2016 / 12:25 pm

    Love it. Our TV was ‘broken’ for three weeks after a particularly horrible outbreak of toddlerdom.

    Loved the ‘Jake’ comment. Our son comes breathlessly running to us during the ‘cow’ episode of Paw Patrol full of concern that ‘the cow is in a boat! THE COW IS ON A BOAT IN THE BAY! QUICK! QUICK! LOOK!”.

    We also do not care for the cow and its boat going.

    #effitfriday

  16. January 22, 2016 / 1:36 pm

    What a fantastically truthful post! haha.
    Peppa is on aaaaaaaaaall day in this house. I am losing my mind!!

  17. January 22, 2016 / 2:03 pm

    Wait until they’re 9 and 14 and telling you things like, “you are ruining my life.” or “I hate my life.” I hear this from my boys every time I ask them to put their dishes in the sink or brush their teeth. I remember when my youngest was in preschool and would get mad at me too for trying to get him to eat vegetables. Both of my boys are still veggie haters. LOL! #effitfriday

  18. January 22, 2016 / 3:16 pm

    This post is hilarious! I’m a pretty terrible parent, too. ha

  19. January 22, 2016 / 3:55 pm

    I am a terrible mum too!! Terrible mum, wife, and friend, ha!! Great read, made me laugh lots. Thank you! #fridayfrolics

  20. January 22, 2016 / 4:48 pm

    Haha fab post, I have these weeks all the time… its a shame that generally as mums we don’t often remember the times when we rocked at parenting but we always feel bad. x

  21. January 23, 2016 / 12:46 am

    Haha, this is brilliant! Fancy trying to make your children wear clothes! And not being psychic!
    Seriously though it must be frustrating when you spend hours doing a Sunday roast and they won’t eat it!
    Thanks for linking up to #effitfriday
    Debbie

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:40 pm

      So frustrating! But I have the last laugh when I pop some cling-film over the leftovers and offer it again the next night…!

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:35 pm

      Thanks for hosting!

  22. LoveFromCluelessMum
    January 24, 2016 / 9:44 am

    I’m guilty of many of these and more. I’ve started to find the tantrums amusing because toddler logic is so bizarre. #fridayfrolics

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:28 pm

      So bizarre! We watch tantrums sometimes in awe, what the hell is he crying about kinda thing!

  23. January 24, 2016 / 10:53 am

    I thank you on behalf of all of the Mums for writing this post! Urgh sometimes you cannot do right for doing wrong. And sometimes biscuit bribes are the only option – for all of us 🙂 x x #brilliantblogposts

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:28 pm

      Love it! Yes bribes are my secret weapon, they’re confusing little beings for sure! xx

  24. January 24, 2016 / 7:16 pm

    Hahahaha I think I too am a member of the terrible mums club…..perhaps you have stumbled on a linky of your own? 🙂 #BinkyLinky

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:17 pm

      That’s an idea! It’s an elite club 😉

  25. Nige
    January 24, 2016 / 7:22 pm

    We have all had days like this parenting such a great game not thanks for linking to the Binkylinky

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:16 pm

      Thanks for hosting

  26. January 24, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    Haha, oh I can relate to this! Peppa Pig and Ben & Holly! The kids love them, so do I, but when it’s on all day?! Argh! Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

    • firstooth
      January 24, 2016 / 9:16 pm

      I see everything in 2D cartoon after a day at home, it’s too much, lol!

  27. January 24, 2016 / 10:59 pm

    Lol, these things are also mentioned and complained about in our house. Although the worst I do is say he’s being silly or stupid when doing/not doing certain things.

  28. January 25, 2016 / 4:33 pm

    We’ve all been there babe, you are not terrible, you’re human. My kids nearly broke me on Friday. Thanks goodness for wine xxx

  29. January 26, 2016 / 5:35 pm

    This is a great post! And the first time I’ve visited your blog, I really enjoyed reading this post! I need to try and find you on Twitter 🙂 I’m at @SassyPant6 thank you for the funny read! xxx

  30. January 28, 2016 / 10:18 am

    Ha ha! Love it! I tell Baby Peppa and Paw Patrol have gone on holiday or their not up yet! Thanks for linking up with #TheList huni xx

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