How To Keep The Romance After Children

Before you have children you have so much time for each other, plenty of time to enjoy romantic dinners, trips away and no-one to steal either of your attention. Once you have a child that all disappears and the romance can easily fade away and instead you turn in to a pair of human beings co-habiting under the same roof arguing over who did the last night feed.

After we had our son (our first) we were slowly losing our romance in our sleep deprived state. We just stopped taking time for each other, we lived and breather our new baby. I didn’t realise how far apart a child could push two people ‘in love’ I always thought a baby, if anything, would bring you closer together (too many chick flicks). But no, I soon realised this perfect, amazing little baby can unknowingly cause us to drift apart and forget what it is we love about each other. Luckily our relationship was a strong one to begin with so any arguments or disagreements we had (from being so tired and overwhelmed) we just forgot.

284458_10150325807536206_1669194_nA baby takes up so much time and attention from parents it is so easy for romance to slowly creep out of the door. Once we were less overwhelmed and catching up on a bit more sleep, I remember realising seeing Darren in a completely different way. He wasn’t just my partner anymore he was the father of our baby too. Why haven’t we had a conversation in weeks? What was the last thing we spoke about other than baby bits? When did we last watch a film or even a tv programme together? I couldn’t remember anything. We were putting so much effort into our son that we forgot to put any effort into our relationship. Here is a list of small easy things we do that brought the romance element back into our relationship:

Kisses

Not just when he goes to work or we go to sleep but just because. Who doesn’t love a random kiss from someone you love?

Making Time

In the day I try to get as much done as possible so when he gets home there is a certain amount of the evening where we aren’t bound to chores and the children are asleep. This time is sometimes just half an hour or it can be much longer it’s all chore and child dependant. This time is so important, we talk about the children when he first gets in and they’re awake, but when they’re asleep we just talk.

Communication

Following on from my last point, talking and communicating with each other is a great way to feel close to each other. Sometimes we talk about a whole lot of nothing, sometimes we have serious talks and sometimes we just talk about funny times and be really silly with each other. We do know each other extremely well and more than anyone else could know us but it’s easy to lose each other in the mist of children. So having a chat every day keeps us connected and it’s nice to talk about things other than kiddie things (they do usually come up in some kind of conversation still, how could they not :).

TV Time

We used to have our soap that we watched EVERY night together whether we watched it at 8pm or 10pm we enjoyed that time. We don’t watch that anymore but we watch other things together, not every night now but watching something together on TV keeps a common interest and we chat about what we’re watching while we watch it. If we see something that’s due on TV we will both enjoy then we record it and make the time to watch it together, it’s almost like date night.

Date Night

Whether it’s once a week or once a month it’s the perfect way to keep romance in your relationship. If you have someone to look after the children while you both go out to dinner, bingo or a movie then take advantage of it! We have moved just a little too far now so our date nights consist of a takeaway andΒ something juicy on TV, he even lights candles sometimes! How romantic! Our date nights are perfect for us we can enjoy our food, good tv, each others company, all in the comfort of our own home.

IMG_1582Texting

We speak a few times a day on the phone but we both enjoy getting a simple text message that just says ‘I love you’ or anything else nice.

Gratitude

Darren loves it when I tell my friends and family how amazing and helpful he is. It’s true he’s a brilliant dad and he’s a perfect partner. He works hard and he knows I do to so we both appreciate being recognised for everything we do. I think it’s sweet of him to be so pleased when I’ve talked him up to someone.

Children are such a blessing to a family and we are lucky for the two we have. But children are also extremely hard work at times and put quite a pressure on a relationship because we take our tiredness and our tough days out on each other. We will still be snappy with each other occasionally but we will do what we can to keep our relationship strong and keep it romantic by doing all of the above. Is there anything else you do?

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20 Comments

  1. June 23, 2015 / 8:00 am

    I really do agree with this, i can be so hard. We have no real support network round us, so it can be hard to get out for a date night without spending a fortune on a babysitter. We do like to just sit on the sofa and watch a tv programme together..its nice to just talk with no interruptions. Lovely post! #twinklytuesday

    • June 23, 2015 / 8:05 am

      Thank you! We enjoy just nesting in our home it saves so much time getting dressed up too so we have more time with eachother x

  2. June 23, 2015 / 8:45 am

    This is such a lovely post. I have found it really hard to give my husband the attention he deserves since we became parents but I know how important it is. We don’t have anyone to look after our daughter as we also live far away from our family but we should both probably make more effort to have at home ‘date nights’.

    #TwinklyTuesdays

  3. June 23, 2015 / 12:01 pm

    This is so true! We love and try to make time for ‘date night in’ at least once every 2 weeks and a date night out once a month – we have lots of family around.
    #mummymonday

  4. June 24, 2015 / 11:21 am

    Well done you for keeping that flame burning. You are completely right, it is so difficult to lose sight of each other in the midst of all the family chaos. #twinklytuesday

  5. June 25, 2015 / 12:18 pm

    These are so true. It’s always difficult to make the time what with all the other priorities, but a date night here and there makes a world of difference to a couple’s relationship. Thanks for sharing.

    • June 25, 2015 / 12:30 pm

      Thank you πŸ™‚ it’s good to even have date night at home once the kiddies are in bed

  6. June 26, 2015 / 11:40 am

    These are all so true! It’s so easy to fall into a bit of a rut after having kids, but it only takes a few little things to keep the spark alive πŸ™‚
    #thelist

  7. June 26, 2015 / 4:54 pm

    This is a great post and you have described my marriage! I think sometimes we are like ships in the night but we have date nights and watch a TV show together too. I think if you don’t you lose what you had before. Thanks so much for linking up to #bestandworst and please come back next time xx

  8. June 26, 2015 / 8:59 pm

    Oh it’s so tricky isn’t it, I feel like at times myself and hubby are just co-habiting at the moment with a toddler and a newborn to deal with. We never seem to have much time for each other these days, I think we need to try harder though. Thanks for linking up to the #’bestandworst and hope to see you again next week πŸ™‚

    • June 27, 2015 / 6:44 pm

      It’s hard to remember to make time and easy to forget! I feel the same too sometimes, we just try to keep it simple to acknowledge each other πŸ™‚

  9. June 29, 2015 / 7:56 pm

    Being a single mum, this doesn’t apply to me! I only have myself to please πŸ˜‰ Thanks for linking up to ‘MyFavouritePost Kaz x

  10. June 29, 2015 / 9:59 pm

    It’s challenging isn’t it. You even stop holding hands so much because you are pushing a pram all the time. Thanks for linking up with #myfavouritepost

    • June 30, 2015 / 12:08 am

      I can’t remember holding his hand last. Thank you for hosting!

  11. July 1, 2015 / 7:45 pm

    Such great tips and a lovely post. I guess we all need to make more effort, hard when you are knackered πŸ™‚ Will work on it though. Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList x

    • July 1, 2015 / 8:56 pm

      Thank you. Know the knackered feeling, that’s when you need date night at home in your pj’s x

  12. July 3, 2015 / 9:24 am

    Great post! It’s so important to remember how much you love each other. We almost fell apart after Eva so try extra hard now! Will need to put much more of an effort in when baby number 2 arrives x

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