How To Prepare Your Home For Children In 11 Easy Steps

If you’re about to have children, or you’re about to wean your baby, or perhaps that baby is turning into a toddler, you will need to prepare your home. By following this guide, the shock of such changes won’t be as large, as you’ll already be living parent life in a readily prepared home.

(Not a serious guide unless you really want to prepare yourself)

1.. Take every cereal box, empty the entire contents across the kitchen floor. Then jump on it

2.. Pour milk onto your sofa, turn the heating up and leave for 5 days (this covers spilled milk and sick stains)

3.. Make a bowl of porridge and rub into your lounge carpet

4.. Only ever walk into the house if your shoes are covered in mud. Don’t worry about mopping this up

5.. Eat some Wotsits and run upstairs, shaking half the Wotsits out of the bag. Run back downstairs, making sure to stand on each Wotsit

6.. Grab a fish slice and dent a door

7.. Serve a bowl of Bolognese, do not eat. Throw your bowls at each other, mostly hitting the walls and much of the floor

8.. Pour every, single drink you have onto the floor. This works best when on carpet

9.. Empty the entirety of your kitchen cupboards into the room. Leave it there

10.. Randomly place plug sockets around the house, to mimic the toys you will soon be standing on, and crying about

11.. Place a block of cheese somewhere in the house, never give a hint as to where it is and never remove


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  1. August 20, 2015 / 8:15 pm

    I never imagined this! Haha, thank you!!

  2. August 21, 2015 / 1:31 pm

    Found you on #effitfriday
    You forgot to mention that you had to lower the ceiling to about 4 feet because you won’t stand straight up for another 10 years. I am so glad I have teens… don’t tell them I said that.

    • August 22, 2015 / 8:55 pm

      Secret is safe with me! Yes back ache does make high ceilings seem a bit silly!

  3. August 21, 2015 / 2:25 pm

    Hahaha! This is the reason I am still refusing to replace our old, knackered sofa! It may need replacing but as we’re now entering the teenage zone, is there really any point?!

    • August 22, 2015 / 8:55 pm

      There isn’t! I’d love a sofa but our tub chairs have survived the distance so far and anything new is like a blank canvas to children!

  4. August 22, 2015 / 6:37 am

    The plugs!!! So true, we’re just entering the Lego phase and it hurts! #effitfriday

    • August 22, 2015 / 8:52 pm

      We’re just entering that phase too. No amount of tidying will clear every piece up!

  5. August 24, 2015 / 6:52 am

    Hahaha! So I don’t need to prepare my home then, my kids have done it for me, lol. #AnythingGoes

  6. August 24, 2015 / 10:17 pm

    Lol, I love it!
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

  7. August 25, 2015 / 8:05 am

    Yes, thats a pretty close estimation to our house nowadays


  8. August 25, 2015 / 8:30 am

    haha I’m not sure I’m ready for this…think I need to start with this list today! I may go out and buy some dust sheets to have throughout the house for the next 10 years…

  9. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    August 25, 2015 / 10:22 am

    Finally, some practical tips for preparing for kids!!! lol Love it! Such a fun read #TwinklyTuesday x

    • August 29, 2015 / 7:01 pm

      Thank you! I think it’s a deceptive title but hopefully realistic?! X

  10. August 25, 2015 / 8:46 pm

    We are just entering that phase, just!! I am dreading finding the lego and standing on it!! Great read! Thanks for sharing! Suz x

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:59 pm

      We’ve just bought a ton of lego. I hear they are much worse to step on than mickey mouse figures! X

  11. August 25, 2015 / 9:34 pm

    Ah, but you forgot to nicely crumb and stink up the car! Laughing over here! Thanks for being part of #TwinklyTuesday.

  12. August 26, 2015 / 12:56 pm

    pahaha this is great and so cheese. The smells of milk and cheese seem to get everywhere. My Mum said mum throw smelt a bit funny at the weekend and this is probably why!! Great post and thanks for sharing with #bestandworst. See you soon xx

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:54 pm

      Lol! So cheese!! Thank you for hosting! Xx

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:52 pm

      We’re putting off decorating for these reasons. One day it’ll be show home ready, I hope… 😀

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:50 pm

      I sure do! But I don’t think our home appreciates it 🙂

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