One Last Gift Was All I Needed

I wanted to get my final Christmas present today and I was assured I’d find it in a bookshop in town. Since it was a book and all.

I’d phoned my in-laws ahead and asked for their essential babysitting services, then

called my mum to see if she’d be my second pair of eyes, to hunt for one of three optional books.

So, we were in Waterstones, the one that should have definitely stocked one, of the three, books.

We looked.

We looked some more.

We asked for help.

We found books that were similar.

We found none of the three books.

I remember the names of these books but couldn’t remember the author. Since all books are lined up alphabetically, according to the author, we had to view every single book on the shelf.

”One author began with ‘B’ and the other an ‘A’ ”

So I start searching for authors beginning with ‘D’ because I didn’t have a clue. I can’t remember what the books look like, we’ve been in here so long I’m starting to worry we look like shoplifters, I’m sweating and at every turn I’m being shown a book by my mum saying she’d ‘love to read this’.

Our search was fruitless, it became more clear that I’d have to order online and wish on a star that it’d arrive before Christmas. Busiest postal time of the year. No problem.

I felt disappointed that I couldn’t purchase the final gift and needed to leave with a gift for someone. So I thought I’d treat Mr Firstooth, the man that hates presents, to a jumper, socks and pants. That’s nearly an entire outfit, the lucky, half dressed, bugger.

I couldn’t shake that disappointment when I returned to my in-laws and decided to use their ropey Internet to order it. It’d bug me until it was ordered and while the children were being rounded up by their Nanny, I couldn’t miss this opportunity.

I didn’t even use Topcashback to order it, that’s impulse shopping at its finest. But, hang on a second, what were the books called? A choice of three books to choose from, we’d just talked about these sodding books and for the life of me I couldn’t tell you even one of their titles. FFS.

Mother in law asks if I’d like a tea, ”wine sounds great, thanks”

After retracing my thoughts the names came back to me. Book selected. Add to cart. Insert payment details.

Something wrong with my transaction.

Reselect book tapping on my phone really fucking hard this time. Re-add into cart. Reinsert payment details. Screen goes white. Refresh and lose all the information.

Redo all of the above through gritted teeth, trying not to explode in front of my children’s grandmother (I hate to admit my children have seen it before). White screen reappears.

Sets fire to phone.


I still have the screen up now. I don’t know if it’s gone through, if I should order a different book, if I should just let sleeping dogs lie and purchase a box of consolation chocolates. I may end up giving two books and a box of chocolates. Happy last minute shopping everyone!

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