Teaching My Daughter To Love Her Natural Beauty

Our world is increasingly becoming beauty obsessed. From endless selfies, to airbrushed pictures of celebs. I am a little uh-bsessed with beauty, but I don’t really have time for it. The struggle to perfection is real, I think we’ve all attempted it in our life and are maybe attempting it right now. I want my daughter to know she is perfect, I don’t want her to strive to be anything other than herself, to embrace her natural beauty and not wish she looked any different. Or feel she needs to look any different.

I remember growing up I always wanted straight hair, piercing blue eyes and clearer skin. I never felt pretty enough for anyone, thinking if only I was a little more something, I’d be much happier. Much more liked. This was all during a time when social media wasn’t thrusted into our faces and we compared ourselves more to our peers, rather than everyone with a twitter account. So it must be much harder now to make our children feel confident and secure in themselves. But it’s something I want my daughter to feel.

I want my son to feel it too, of course, but if he’s anything like his dad he will be more focused on being the best at everything rather than looking the best. Competition runs strong in our genes.

My daughter is beautiful, I know, that’s what all mums say about their children. But that’s because they are all beautiful in their own cute way. She has strong brown eyes, gorgeously soft hair and her dimples are everything.

It makes me sad to think that once she starts school and gets to a certain age she may start comparing herself to others. She may wish desperately for curly hair, green eyes and clear skin (if she suffers like I did with acne). It’s natural to compare, I think we all do it, but to wish you had what someone else has and to feel inadequate is something I want to encourage my little babe not to feel.

Being pretty isn’t just about your looks, it’s about your persona, how you carry yourself and your confidence with who you are. It’s easier for me as her mum to feel this way, being an adult I’ve outgrown those difficult school years, I still feel insecure about a lot of things, but I don’t compare myself to others now. Children can feel this way too, confident. I’ve seen kids love who they are, not in an overbearing way, but in a smart and respectful way.

Women are growing stronger by the day, we’re becoming more respected and are really making paths for ourselves. We’re no longer the lady behind her man, we’re the woman next to her man. This is inspiring and empowering to see so many like myself taking control of their life and loving their confidence, owning who they are. This also leaves the doors open for other to try and tear you down, to find a chink in your armour and pick away at any insecurities.

I can’t control what my daughter sees and hears from others around her, however, I can control what I show her. By this I mean I need to love myself just as much as I love her, she needs to see me embrace my natural beauty and not hear me talk about changing my hair, losing weight, covering the huge invasive spots on my chin. I’m not always happy about this but I’m lucky to have what I have. I make those boil sized spots a little like a beauty spot, there’s no fooling anyone as to what it is, but I wear them proud. I also let my natural hair fall everyday, it’s easier for me to leave my hair as it is anyway, in the hopes she doesn’t see me fussing and faffing over making my hair look any different than its natural self.

Seeing my sons beautiful curls when he was younger really made me realise how gorgeous all hair types are and how lucky I am to have curls just like my boy. My daughter has fairly straight hair which is and will be so gorgeous as it grows. I kick myself everyday for chopping my sons cute curls.

I am fully for self-care, using cleansers, makeup products and hair-care to accentuate what you already have. If it’s there I think we should make the most of it! Enhance what we have, but don’t change what we have, right?

It’s upsetting when I hear five year old girls saying they hate their hair, they wish it was straight or curly. They’re such small little dots and I want all children to love themselves, or not even give appearance a second thought.

So I pray that I can raise a confident (sassy) young girl, I hope she never feels a pressure to look a certain way and I hope she always feels like she’s better than good enough (but not entitled). Because she is, she’s beautiful.

natural beauty1

Happy girls, are pretty girls.


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35 Comments

  1. April 23, 2016 / 9:27 pm

    It sounds like you’ve got the right idea! I’ve never really given this much thought but self image is so important and I do worry about when my daughter becomes a teenager (she’s four at the mo) and how things will be with social media etc #KCACOLS

    • firstooth
      April 23, 2016 / 9:32 pm

      It seems to be getting a little more revealing and pretend as times go on. I just hope our girls love the skin they’re in. I’m a natural worrier so I’m worrying well in advance x

  2. April 23, 2016 / 9:53 pm

    What a brilliant post. I want my daughter to realise that she is beautiful and wonderful and powerful. I worry about her starting school where she will no doubt be judged, as all children are. I’m determined to teach her she can be whatever she wants, as long as she’s happy. #KCACOLS

  3. April 23, 2016 / 11:16 pm

    She is beautiful, bless her. I think the world is such a harsh place to grow up in these days, and I wish that I could protect my kids from the hardest parts. But I suppose all we can is love and trust in our kids to find their way through it all with our guidance and reassurance if their worth. #KCACOLS

  4. April 24, 2016 / 8:06 am

    Oh this was a lovely read! I’ve got 2 daughters and a son but the need to look good comes from the girls – my son just wants to go out and play sport but the girls seem to have so much peer pressure on how they should look. Social media is so damaging in this respect also as they see celebrity after celebrity looking just perfect and pictures of their friends that they want to look like. We have a lot of chats about image and self-confidence and the falseness of the images but it is still not easy. I love the fact that you’re trying to raise a little girl full of sass – just brilliant! #KCACOL

  5. April 24, 2016 / 8:11 am

    A lovely post and exactly what ever mother should want for her child. You sound like a great mum with such a positive influence. I really enjoyed this post xx #KCACOLS

  6. April 24, 2016 / 12:20 pm

    It’s difficult as they get older, my eldest is almost 12 and I’m starting to see the signs of him being more aware of how he looks. Sounds like you’ve got the right idea and will bring them up to feel good about themselves!

    • firstooth
      April 24, 2016 / 5:18 pm

      I never thought it was a problem with boys but even boys are more into printing and preening themselves these days aren’t they

  7. April 24, 2016 / 3:15 pm

    I think you’re already off to a good start. I think if parents are just thinking about instilling these values in their children that’s already going to happen. #KCACOLS

    • firstooth
      April 24, 2016 / 5:20 pm

      She seems confident and sassy already but things change as they grow. Thank you I hope it helps her appreciate what she does have instead of what she doesn’t x

  8. April 24, 2016 / 6:41 pm

    This is so important! I’m very much a fan of ‘natural beauty’ – I’ve never spent much time messing with my wavy hair and don’t wear much makeup, and I want my daughter to feel like she can embrace her looks just as they are. #KCACOLS

  9. April 24, 2016 / 9:38 pm

    What an excellent way to look at things. I couldn’t agree more, I always tell my daughter she is beautiful. Tell her I work out to stay fit and healthy, and she should too. I’m one for faffing with my hair and makeup and I hope that my daughter grows up knowing that it is ok for her to be herself and not worry about what others think of her or try to change who she is!

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  10. April 24, 2016 / 11:43 pm

    This is an important thing to teach little ones. I totally agree when you say you can control by the way you show her. I try to do the same. Sometimes setting an example is a great way to teach our kids as they do learn from us. Angela from Daysinbed via #KCACOLS

  11. April 25, 2016 / 6:52 am

    Learning to love yourself is a big part in life!
    I try to encourage and give Holly positive reinforcement all the time!
    Great Post!
    Lx
    http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
    #MarvMondays

  12. April 25, 2016 / 7:12 am

    I love the sentiments of this and hope you can do it, peer pressure at school is the big one. she is a natural beauty. #MarvMondays

  13. April 25, 2016 / 8:55 am

    This is so lovely, and I feel very much the same. I tell me sons, and my daughters, constantly that they are so beautiful but I also tell them that being beautiful isn’t the most important thing that a person can be. I tell them that being a beautiful person is way more important, and I will continue to instil those beliefs in them as they grow. My eldest is 12, and he constantly moans about how he wishes he had blonde hair or curly hair or blue eyes, and I find it so hard to believe that he doesn’t see just how perfect he is, exactly how he is. There will be times when my daughters feel that way I’m sure, we always want what we don’t have, but I hope they will be confident enough to love their natural beauty above all else. Thanks for sharing. #MarvMondays

  14. Mommy's Little Princesses
    April 25, 2016 / 12:08 pm

    What a beautiful post! I think you are absolutely correct and that we should all try to teach our daughters/sons this. I know as a mother to two little girls that this is something I want to teach them, I also want them to know that true beauty comes from within. Xx #KCACOLS

  15. April 25, 2016 / 12:52 pm

    Aah, such a lovely post-with a very important message!! I felt the same as you when I was younger (and I’m sure you’d be hard pushed to find a girl who wasn’t!) and I would spend hours looking at myself wishing I had better cheekbones, bigger eyes, naturally blond hair, was thinner etc. Being thin was something I knew I could change and control, and I found some old diaries a few years ago outlining how little Id eaten, and berating myself for eating a piece of bread, or more than 400 calories in a day… It was so upsetting to read it back, I threw them all straight out. I have 2 boys, and while I always tell them they’re gorgeous and all that, something tells me they probably won’t have an obsession with their looks! I’m almost relieved it’s something I feel unlikely to face. I’m sure you will do a brilliant job of managing this pressure with your daughter!
    #bigpinklink

  16. April 25, 2016 / 3:02 pm

    She is too cute! I love this post and totally get it! I was the same with my hair, I have curly hair and have straightened it since I was 16, I always wished I had straight hair so would blow dry, straighten, brazilian blow dry…to be honest I’m surprised I have any hair left on my head 🙂 When I fell pregnant I decided that was that, what if I had a daughter and she had my hair and I had no clue how to control it and she ended up hating it…it would all be my fault! So I decided to embrace the curls and to be honest best thing ever, like you said it’s so much easier than spending ages blow drying and then shitting myself if it rains! I guess by panicing about how we’ll make our kids feel, they’ve kind of helped us accept who we are and I suppose when they do go through that stage we’ll always be there to pick them up and tell them they’re beautiful. I had a boy by the way and yep he has my curls! x #KCACOLS

  17. Allyson Greene
    April 25, 2016 / 4:57 pm

    I love this! Having a daughter myself it terrifies me how judgmental society is of women and how hard girls are on each other and themselves! #KCACOLS

  18. April 25, 2016 / 6:28 pm

    She is utterly beautiful! But as you said, it’s all on us to bring up our children to be beautiful on the inside too and to know the value of that and see it in others. It is difficult in this day and age when they see so much around them (and the internet doesn’t help!). Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

  19. The Pramshed
    April 25, 2016 / 7:39 pm

    I love your outlook and positivity on this, I think it’s important not to thrust too much beauty or changing yourself in front of your daughter, so they see the natural beauty. Maybe I should stop highlighting my hair, just in case my little one wants to go blonde one day. You two so look beautiful together in that picture. Claire x #bigpinklink

  20. April 25, 2016 / 9:49 pm

    This is a great post! I have been having conversations with my 7yo daughter about her ‘beauty’ recently. I was a little upset when she came home one day asking me if she could have her hair braided a certain way because she had been told “that’s how [insert boy’s name] really likes girls hair so he is bound to ask you out”. I told her that she was totally beautiful as she was and that she should never have to change herself for anyone. I hung a sign on her bedroom wall which says ‘You are beautiful inside and out’, I really hope she always remembers that x

  21. April 26, 2016 / 6:45 am

    A lovely piece, and something very much on my mind too (as you’ll see from my most recent post!). Also, you look lovely and your skin looks perfect in that photo! (Though I know photos can be deceiving as I also suffer with bad skin, so I feel your pain!) x

  22. April 26, 2016 / 8:31 am

    I loved this post. Your daughter is beautiful and I hope that my nieces and nephews are learning that beauty comes from within x

  23. April 26, 2016 / 8:46 am

    You have the right idea but when they hit their tweens and teens it is harder to drum that message in as they are so suseptible to what is around them

  24. April 27, 2016 / 10:15 am

    Really well said! I like what you said about women growing stronger everyday. It is so true and it is down to us to raise our daugthers strong too 🙂 #bloggerclubuk

  25. April 27, 2016 / 12:04 pm

    Hi Lizzie, the sad thing is that many ‘beautiful’ people aren’t happy people and I think that all parents these days have a right to worry about their child’s self esteem. It is up to us a s parents to point out what is real and what is fake (I didn’t want my daughter believing that people in the media are ‘natural’ when they so clearly aren’t, so I used to point it out).

    I’m sure that you will have nothing to worry about as you are already on top of it and maybe by the time they’re teenagers, people in the media will be more normal and natural again.

    xx

  26. April 28, 2016 / 3:50 pm

    I completely agree, and felt the same growing up, clearer skin, confidence, different hair, taller, more tanned… Ok the ability to actually get a sun tan. I hope our children do grow up without those pressures, however, I fear there will be other pressures and hurdles if these aren’t the ones they face. Enjoy every moment until those feeling start to surface, and I really hope they’re older than 5! That’s shocking. #kcacols

  27. May 3, 2016 / 1:51 pm

    Such a lovely post & a lovely photo of you & your daughter too! It is wonderful how women are getting stronger each generation but I think there’s more & more pressure to have a certain look as well. I hate to think of my daughter feeling badly about her body or appearance when she gets older. I agree that leading by example is a great way to go. Thanks so much for linking up with us at #bloggerclubuk

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:18 pm

      Thank you! With strength comes competition and quite a few girls/women enjoy tearing others down to enforce their power. It’s sad but I think letting our little girly dots show their strength and kindness will mean everything throughout life x

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