Things Get Wild When He Works Away For The Night

A huge bombshell was dropped on us. It took no prisoners  and upset everyone involved. Night work. He arrived home and our conversation went a little like this:

”Hi babe, your kids have been absolute terrors today. Thank goodness you’re home”

”I’ve accepted night work from tomorrow”

He spat his words out, as if he had pulled the pin in a hand grenade and was waiting for the inevitable explosion. I didn’t explode, I couldn’t explode, the children were around. It’s rare that he works overnight, so I should enjoy the thought of having the evening to myself. Which I do it’s not often I have the option of sitting in absolute silence. You know when you’ve been listening to high pitched squeals and the Mickey Mouse theme song for your entire day, silence is welcomed like a hug from Justin Timberlake. Silence is magical.

Although, before I can sit and stew in a silent room, the children need feeding and putting to bed. The hours between 4pm and 7pm are never quiet. We can experience every emotion imaginable within these three hours, at least twice. Toddlers go from happy squeaks to a roaring meltdown at the drop of a Lego brick. It’s unreal. But very real.

These emotionally unstable children need to be thrown into a bath for a cool down. I once had bathing two children by myself down to a T. Nailed it. Bathing two toddlers is a whole different challenge. There’s water everywhere, naked butt cheeks running from room to room and once one child is in their pyjamas, the other is undressing themselves. A little bit of sweat can be seen on my forehead and story time can’t come quick enough.

No, actually, bedtime can’t come quick enough.

Some nights I listen to their pleas for ‘more stories mummy’ and we’ll be reading about smelly bears and cute little kittens, until I can narrate the book without even reading the words. The nights I’m flying solo in the bedtime bonanza, I stretch my story telling limit to three, instead of the usual ten thousand. Then I smother each face with kisses and tuck their tiny selves into their beds. I give myself a high-five after the final bedroom door is closed and skip downstairs. Putting two toddlers to bed wasn’t as chaotic as I had pictured, but it wasn’t a walk in the park.

Now, this may sound selfish, but, sometimes us mums need to be! When Mr Firstooth is around in the evenings and night, I tend to leave odd jobs around for us to tackle once the children are asleep. Things like loading the dishwasher, wiping the surfaces and piecing our house back together. But, when I’m alone in the evenings, I don’t want to walk down to a crap-hole. So during the day I attack the house with all kinds of cleaning fluids, some are covered in dust. All so when I’m drinking my evenings glass of wine, I’m doing so in a room that sparkles.

The next few hours are heaven. I can watch trashy TV to my hearts content, the Kardashians, Big Brother and any reality show there is. I watch my juicy shows while a bag of Doritos gradually disappears, followed by biscuits and a bag of M&M’s. It’s amazing.

I can read magazines that I bought four months ago, but never find the time to read. Some are a little chewed at the corners, our daughters favourite foods are books and magazines.

The best part is the silence. Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather sit in the company of my man, but sometimes my own company is the best kind. I think not just mums, but everyone needs time to themselves to regroup and just be.

That’s how wild my evenings are when I’m flying solo. The night isn’t as enjoyable, like I’ve said before, I sit upright like a night-watch guard. It’s not so bad, the cat sits with me and licks herself the entire time.

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