Toddler Guests At A Christening

Last week we attended the Christening of our great friends’ son. We were excited to go and share their special day with them. But another friend of mine reminded me that we’re taking two toddlers into a Church and will be praying to him above that they behave. No wet protests, no shouting, no running, no farting, no telling people you’ve farted. We just needed them to sit quiet and still for 45 minutes, max.

It didn’t start well because we were an hour early for the service. Gatecrashing the previous service.

“She said 11”

“She obviously didn’t say 11, because it is 11 and nobody is here. I think they’d know the time of their own sons Christening”

*5 minutes of silence*

“She said 11”

So we had an hour to kill and ended up driving slowly around the area. To anyone on the outside it would have looked like we were casing houses ready for an impending robbery. We’re actually just really nosey and this particular village was a sweet one, filled with chocolate box cottages and mansion style homes.

During this time my daughter managed to ladder my tights twice and wipe her nose on my top. So I pulled my hair out of it’s bun and tried hiding the snot. Nothing I could do about my tights, having to look scruffy was the only option.

Once everyone arrived the kids headed straight for the toy section while I cooed over the baby. I’d been trying to get my friend to dish the details on his Christening outfit every time I saw her and she kept tight-lipped. He looked so adorable, a beige waist-coat and trouser with a white shirt situation. Seriously cute, our third child is looking more and more likely each time Mr Firstooth is faced with this suited up baby. But not yet, I have at least ten years convincing before he agrees to it.

At this point everyones children were content playing in the toys section and then we all dragged them away, literally kicking and screaming, for their sweet little butt cheeks to be sat on a seat to watch the service. I could see my daughters head keep turning to see the toys, each time I subtly moved her face back round.

She started growling, this is a sign that she’s about to scream, not in anger but from excitement. Each time I heard the growl I promptly shushed the shrieking child and did my best to retrace where we were on the hymn sheet.

Then, sitting wasn’t what she fancied doing right now, she wanted to stand on the seat. We were at the back so usually I’d let this happen for the sake of silence, but we had another Vicar sitting directly behind us whispering away to her. I felt like God would be judging me if I didn’t at least try to control my child. The thing is, she’s only 1, you can’t reason with this age, they’re a law unto themselves.

Our son sat perfectly, the entire time he was so well behaved, never lets me down this one! His sister on the other hand had me wishing someone elses child would start doing toddler things. Disruptive things, knock over a candle on a curtain, hide in the Vicars gown, anything.

My wish was answered.

My friends’ daughter knocked the candle over, not on the curtain, but on to the Vicars gown. The Vicar himself caught fire. I started a really slow clap and hoped someone else would join in. Nobody did.

I’m just kidding, but the silence became too much for my friends’ toddler, the sister of the baby being Christened, as she kept announcing to the Vicar “he’s here. HE’S HERE” about her baby brother. It almost turned in to a song “he’s heeereeee, he’s here” as the Vicar continued the service in a higher tone, not sure whether to pause.

We watched the christening of Baby Boy at the back of the hall, unfortunately I missed most of it because my toddler terrorist kept trying to climb up the stand where donations are placed. Unfortunately, no money in there yet. I didn’t miss how well-behaved this teeny baby was, he was fascinated with the Vicar and had a completely placid expression the entire time. Come on Mr F, just one more…

After his blessing we all had to return to our seats, dragging the kids away from the toys once more. The older children stayed at the back quite happy playing with the toys, I thought “Thank him above that they’re allowed to play up here, I can leave my small one to play with them” then I thought better of it, just in case she decides to swing from the pulpit. Because she would decide that.

She ended up touching one of the other guests on their back and staring intently at them each time they turned round. I’m not sure if she’s incredibly strange or just has a cracking sense of humour.

It was time for pictures and the kids were running crazy, doing the cha cha slide as they skidded from one end of the church to the other and needed serious persuasion to pose for photos.

The kids were eventually set free in our friends’ home to play with as many toys as they could, meaning you couldn’t see the floor through the toys they’d pulled out to play with for 3 seconds. We could all relax, chat and coo over Baby Boy in his sweet little suit. Again, Mr F, I’m game if you are…

If you’re attending a Christening with your toddler terrorists, I would advise you to bring snacks and your own toys to distract them for the duration. We appreciate the sentiment of a Christening as adults but children dance to their own tune, distractions is a must.

Although I was the unofficial photographer of the day, I didn’t take any pictures for our memory bank. So instead here’s a photo of the kids enjoying themselves…

christening


Stay up to date with sarcastic and honest posts by subscribing to our mailing list. I offer you nothing but a little light humour and the occasional life tip. We all love a life tip. You can also join us on Facebook, just for fun.


Christening

This post has been shared on:

Happy Days
Marvellous Mondays
Share the Joy
Big Pink Link

Share this post:

31 Comments

  1. April 30, 2016 / 6:06 am

    Aww brings back memories of when my 4 were little. They loved playing in the sand 🙂 I bet they would stay there all day ..

  2. April 30, 2016 / 7:28 am

    Thanks for this I really needed a giggle this morning. Family functions and my daughter just do not go together. At her first function she was only 3 months old but she done the most stinky poo EVER I was so embarrassed. That poor bride walking into that death poop…as you can imagine we made a quick exit! But toddlers choose the best moments to have their meltdowns don’t they!!! #JustAnotherLinky

  3. April 30, 2016 / 7:32 am

    Toddlers are such fun, especially at large gatherings!!!

  4. April 30, 2016 / 4:29 pm

    Toys aren’t great either – ours played loudly vrooming cars up the pew and dropping them on the floor – toddlers and church don’t mix!

  5. May 1, 2016 / 4:24 am

    Oh man, sounds like quite an adventure!
    My son is 13 months old and, from the moment his eyelids open he’s go-go-go. I can’t imagine having to control two! Toddlers really are amusing-I’m glad nothing too serious went wrong. That’s a success in my book (: x #happydayslinky

  6. May 1, 2016 / 4:47 pm

    It can be quite hardcore to go anywhere with a toddler, especially one like mine (a bit bonkers!) At least all was well in the end! x

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:34 am

      Bonkers kids are the best kind! Testing, but hilarious x

  7. May 1, 2016 / 5:17 pm

    Considering the age of your daughter you did really well throughout the service. I couldn’t help but have a snigger at the thought of the vicar on fire though!!!

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:34 am

      They did do well things could have gone downhill fast but luckily they were just a little excitable

  8. May 2, 2016 / 6:37 am

    Doing anything with a toddler is a lesson in patience at the best of times! Kudos to you for giving it a go at the Christening and it sounds like alls well that ends well – even it the bit in the middle was a bit *ahem* challenging! (The vicar’s robes didn’t really catch fire… did they?!) #sharethejoy

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:33 am

      They didn’t but I’m sure if we’d been there any longer the whole parish would be at risk! All definitely ended well x

  9. May 2, 2016 / 7:03 am

    We have had both our girls christened and been to lots of other christening. Snacks and toys are definitely the way to go! Mind you I don’t worry about it as much at a christening, as its all about children. I find wedding the worst!! x #marvMondays

  10. May 2, 2016 / 7:30 am

    Lol – a friend of mine took her toddler to a Christening and just at a really quiet part she shouted that she needed a poo REALLY LOUDLY. Then followed “it’s coming out Mummy” then, as the we walking up the aisle to get out a massive noise followed by the little one announcing that in fact “it was only a trump” #sharethejoylinky

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:31 am

      Haha!! Kids are hilarious if a tiny bit embarrassing

  11. yvette morgan
    May 2, 2016 / 8:07 am

    had visions of the vicar on fire then lol x #bigpinklink

  12. May 2, 2016 / 8:43 am

    haha! I dread anything where it’s quiet and the boys need to sit still for a length of time. A book and box of raisins each generally works fine for about 20 mins 🙂 #bigpinklink

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:30 am

      Mine would eat the books at their ages but I will definitely bring one for next time. I’d rather the eat the book I think

  13. May 2, 2016 / 8:50 am

    Oh my goodness, this made me laugh, right from the start when you arrived early….and then the candle incident – yikes! I attended a similar event at the weekend and aside from a few screams, was remarkably well behaved (just wait though til I can run around…. 😉 x #bigpinklink

  14. May 2, 2016 / 9:52 am

    Oh my God (whoops, unintentional pun!!) this was soooo funny!! I know it’s not funny at all when you’re living the situation, but great to reflect on, and write a hilarious blog post about!! The vicar catching fire was too much for me-I know that shouldn’t be funny, but it was!! And I genuinely believed that you started a slow clap too….It’s the sort of thing I would do!! The last christening e attended was a disaster. Like you, one of our children sat beautifully, but the assassin child kept wanting to get down, pull at the vicar’s robe, shout… No amount of treats worked on him, and in the end I just took him outside, and missed almost the entire thing… I do look forward to the day we can go to something like this and they will just be able to sit still for 45 stress free minutes!!
    #bigpinklink

  15. May 2, 2016 / 2:24 pm

    My friend’s child announced very loudly during a service that this was really boring and could they go now … Slightly challenging as her daddy was the vicar!

    Most congregations don’t mind children making noise and usually have stuff somewhere to entertain them. Rev T always makes a point of saying so as we notice our children making noise far more than anyone else does.

    Did the Vicar almost catch fire?! Wow! That’s never happened to us yet! Not even during carols by candlelight

  16. May 3, 2016 / 8:16 am

    Great post!! I have a twoligan and the thought of spending more than 5 minutes in a church with him makes me feel a little bit anxious to say the least! #sharethejoy

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:29 am

      I love that ‘twoligan’

  17. May 3, 2016 / 7:51 pm

    Oh gosh, I don’t think my children should ever be let anywhere near a church! Snacks are definitely the way forward. Start with the rice cakes and raisins and end up in desperation with the haribo and quavers!

    • firstooth
      May 3, 2016 / 8:16 pm

      We start with the worst first, just need to remember to not give them chocolate it’s too messy especially when they’re in smart wear!

  18. May 5, 2016 / 7:02 am

    it is a very fine line to try and draw between giving them some freedom and it appearing that you are letting them run riot at social gatherings such as this. I often the feel the parents put undue pressure on themselves that their children should be well behaved when in fact they are just being children. Love the bit about the vicar behind you making you feel judged.
    At the blessing for 2nd daughters wedding last year the grandson fell of the chair he was sat on and hit his head hard on the chair in front so I picked him up and rushed out with him through to the kitchen area for a wet cloth for the bump so as not to disturb the whole proceedings.

  19. May 6, 2016 / 2:28 pm

    I was like “omg!” at the part about the vicar catching fire, I’m so gullible! Thanks for linking up to #HappyDaysLinky x

    • firstooth
      May 6, 2016 / 4:14 pm

      Lol! Anything is possible with a toddler… x

  20. May 6, 2016 / 7:59 pm

    I am always a nervous wreck taking mine anywhere serious – churches especially!! Thank you for sharing in #HappyDaysLinky xx

  21. May 6, 2016 / 8:26 pm

    This sounds like how my two would be! We had my brother in laws wedding a few years back and it was a challenge with a new born and a 2 year old. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

  22. May 7, 2016 / 6:42 am

    I love the fact you were willing other children to play up so that yours looked good. I constantly have those thoughts 🙂 And the image of the vicar’s robes on fire did have me giggling. Is that wrong?!?!? #sharethejoy

    • firstooth
      May 7, 2016 / 6:47 am

      It’s not wrong! I laughed as I typed it, that’s a little wrong… it’s much better if everyone’s children plays up then the attention isn’t on your own. But I guess there’s a time and a place to wish this

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *