I’ve hardly blogged for the past few months and I know I’ve exhausted that sentence almost weekly but it’s taken me an entire summer with my sweet babes to realise the real reason I started blogging in the first place. I thought I knew why I took fingertips to keys each evening about parenting humour and the more serious issues in life, you know, meal ideas and such. But the break away from this little online space of mine and the absolute contentment I’ve felt about not ‘being online’ regularly has been surprising.
We moved to our little town, almost an hour away from our family and friends (or longer from my bestest buddy – huge tears!), nearly three years ago. Nearly three years ago is when I started blogging.
I was bored. I felt isolated. I was struggling.
I’m the kind of person that can never really hide how I feel about another person, or a situation but when it comes to my emotions I’ve always bottled them up and released how I’m feeling in private. Most of my family and friends had no idea how I was feeling and I didn’t want to tell them because I was scared to hear “you decided to move away”. So I chose to smile and keep the complaining to the very minimum.
Instead of dwelling on these feelings I felt like I needed an outlet. Something that’s just mine and somewhere I can separate myself from my mother persona. Because for a long time that was all I was, just a mother.
Being just a mother is actually pretty amazing, because we’re amazing, right! We’re raising our babies to be people we’re proud to send out into society and at the same time we’re feeding, bathing and worrying for them. It’s a lot of pressure on someone especially when that tea break we so desperately crave is always cut short by our butt-wiping duties. Although it’s easy to see how the word ‘just’ simply doesn’t belong in front of ‘a mother’, sometimes it’s hard to think any other way.
I also remember the period I started blogging was while my daughter was waking every couple of hours in the night for anywhere up to three hours. I was losing my mind I swear. Losing my damn mind.
That’s where the blog came in to retrieve a little sanity. I was originally going to start a cooking channel on Youtube sharing recipes for families and feeding time tips but I quickly discovered blogs when I looked further into it. I also noticed quite a few bloggers were getting paid to write “I FREAKING LOVE WRITING” I thought, so if I could do this as my hobby and have the opportunity to earn a penny, where do I sign?
There entered my blog, originally Firstooth, which filled a huge void in my life.
I feel bad for openly writing that I have these two amazing, wonderful kids, yet there was still a void. But I’m being honest, we all need something just for us that fits into our regular life. Darren plays golf and leaves his shoes in the hallway. I blog. Same thing.
So for a long time, a good couple of years, my blog filled my evenings and I loved it. I loved the feeling that people were enjoying my light-hearted spin on motherhood and that my words were being heard. Because for a longer time I had no-one to talk to other than forcing myself on the shop assistants in Tesco. It’s cool, me and Linda are tight now, but back then she was wondering when the hell I was going to leave.
Then this past year I’ve made an effort to meet people, real people that live nearby and I’ve made local friends. Hallelujah.
The void that was once filled with blogging has since been filled with friendship and if I had to choose between the two, it’d be friendship. I simply don’t have time to do it all, the Great British Bake Off has just started and I’m addicted to Suits (the programme – just to be clear), not to mention I have two kids. Something has to give.
We’ve also been consumed with our wedding planning and family life. Because family drama is no joke.
Aside from the sporadic family drama our life is pretty perfect. I’ve never felt more content than I do right now. Parenting feels so much easier than it once did and I haven’t got this overwhelming urge to cry into a family size bag of Maltesers every evening. It must be almost two years since feeling that way and I reckon it’s a mixture of blogging and also us putting our roots into our new town and really feeling like this is home. This is perfect. With or without The Mother Diaries.
However, there’s still enough space left for my blog, I don’t want to let it wilt and die like every Orchid I’ve ever owned. How do you keep those mother loving plants alive?
Once my boy is back in pre-school and our days are a little less crazy I know I’ll find so much more time for our online diary. But until then I’m going to enjoy the last couple of weeks I have with them both, even when they test my patience to the ear-popping max, and will no doubt have plenty more stories to share. Like today for example, great day, but it ended with me peeing in a field. Blog post coming soon…