What Went Down This Bank Holiday

I always look forward to Bank Holiday. I know what you’re thinking, what’s the difference, I don’t work anyway right? I’m just thinking about those toddler fights I referee, the meals I make and the bums I wipe throughout the day with the bonus of getting peed on occasionally. But no, what I do isn’t work work (werk werk werk), it’s parenting. Bloody lovely it is too.

The difference at Bank Holiday, or any weekend really, is that my wingman, my soulmate, the father of my toddler terrorists has time off work. As does Granny and Grandad Firstooth, or friends of ours. Only this weekend Mr Firstooth had to work. He didn’t have to, I may add. He chose to. I’m not bitter, I promise, who can say no to a little overtime? Not Mr F apparently…

Someone needs to pay for my scatter cushions.

Anyway, I have nothing much to report from Saturday or Sunday, we had a lovely weekend with my parents. But what happened on Sunday leads me to what happened on Monday, leading to this post.

I bet you’ve already forgotten about the bank holiday haven’t you?

DSC_0987

You’ll see what this is about…

On Sunday we visited a castle, during our visit we stopped for a spot of afternoon tea, with the sweet little babes, neither of whom had slept and both reared their grumpy faces extremely early that morning. But so far, we had very little resistance from either, I had psyched myself up for a fairly disappointing day due to toddler tiredness. That wasn’t the case, until that evening when I was alone and desperate.

So, in the restaurant we all drank our tea, the kids tried spilling things and smashing plates, the usual. Then my little man declared he needed a wee. He needed one right now. He has a fear of public toilets and I’ve recently ditched our potty in favour of him peeing in bushes (not in the Shameless style, I try to keep it all very dignified and private), so we had to get him outside quick.

But he wasn’t budging.

Of course he wasn’t, he likes to be difficult sometimes, toddlers take no prisoners, and the threat of peeing down himself makes me come out with the craziest things.

“I will buy you a bloody plane with a live-in pilot who will dress up as Bob the Builder if you get outside, drop your pants and pee on that damn wall”

This time my bribes in exchange for a wee were:

  • Chips
  • Chocolate
  • Cake
  • Biscuit
  • Anything, anything in this restaurant that you can see right now, you can have it
  • Anything at all. Just say the word. I’ll make it happen

He replied no to each one. Then I mentioned a Fireman Sam truck and his face lit up.

“YES my wee outside for Fire Sam truck”

I’d never seen a Fireman Sam truck, I had no idea if one actually existed. I was clutching at straws. You know as a parent you sometimes say things and hope they’ll forget. He didn’t forget and I had promised I’d get him one.

So this became our mission for Monday. The one day Mr Firstooth has off (he actually has Tuesday and Wednesday off too) and he gave me a disapproving look when he knew what we’d be doing. Someone needs to spend that overtime, what better than to spend it on our precious son who peed on a wall. Well done son.

We drove down to our local retail park, the parking was tight. Because people park silly. But we found a space, ditched the car and hunted for a Fireman Sam truck, thank goodness we found one. It exists and its sitting pretty in our lounge filled with other crap right now. This all took around ten minutes.

A photo posted by Lizzie (@firstooth_) on

Back in the car.

Drive home.

We should have driven home, only we couldn’t. Because it was Bank Holiday, every single person in our county was in the exact same retail park as us right at that moment, all trying to leave. The carpark was at a gridlock.

Of course it was.

Two toddlers in the back of the car at lunchtime for the foreseeable. That’s what memories are made of. Really awful memories.

Luckily we had a new Fireman Sam truck and a stick of bread to keep the kids quiet in the back. We sat for around 20 minutes and watched the anger of other drivers waiting to leave the carpark. I would have laughed it off with a whole ‘what’s the rush’ comment but Mr Firstooth found it difficult to stop shaking his head and talking about this being ‘just our luck’, so I said nothing.

In case you’re wondering why we had a stick of bread, I don’t know, we’d popped to LIDL first and picked one up for some reason.

The things people do to try and leave a gridlocked carpark a little sooner than the cars in front baffles me. I have to say it, some people drive like idiots. I can find better words, but we’ll stick with the lesser offensive ‘idiot’. Or ‘silly billy’, I like that saying.

A man in a small car suddenly thought that he was above waiting. He needed to escape the carpark right that second and he was angry at all those cars in front blocking his way. Inconsiderate b*stard cars. He drove alongside these cars (you know, on the wrong side of the road with traffic approaching him, maybe he thought we were actually in the US and everybody else was in the wrong, who knows) and insisted someone let him in right at the exit of the carpark.

Of course, nobody let him in. We’re all selfish like that. Clearly this guy had somewhere he needed to be. Nobody else had anywhere to be, we were all enjoying being at a stand still, duh, who wouldn’t.

Then started the angry exchanges, I don’t know about you but I enjoy seeing things like this. Mr Firstooth and myself kept saying the usual ‘some people’ and ‘I just can’t believe what I’m seeing’. Until we saw the arguments between other car drivers and the angry man in his very little car, then we were more ‘shhhh, look’. 

We were stuck in the carpark for around 45 minutes, with two toddlers in the back, at lunchtime, with no food other than a bread stick, did I mention this? And a Fireman Sam truck (which little man wouldn’t share, obviously), it was testing but we survived. For 15 minutes of this we enjoyed the entertainment of watching the angry man (in his very little car) create extra traffic by trying to beat the queue and cut everyone up.

Solidarity in the other carpark users stood strong and I really couldn’t believe my eyes when the angry man insulted other drivers for not letting him in, then shouted at the oncoming traffic for not letting him through. The only way they’d be able to let him through would be if they drove sideways into a building, I know this guy had somewhere to be urgently but asking others to shuffle sideways through a wall, is a little excessive.

I’ve not been shopping on a Bank Holiday Monday in a very long and I’m never doing it again. I’m really not. If my son is promised a Fireman Sam helicopter the next time he pees, he will have to wait until it’s a working day before we visit a shop to buy it.

Traffic makes drivers go a little crazy, behave inappropriately and ruthlessly behind the safety of their steering wheel. People are always braver when they’re shielded by a ton of metal, that is their car. I appreciate the entertainment this man and many other drivers gave us, but it’s so shocking how people behave that sometimes I’d rather not witness it. I don’t like to think of my family being surrounded by these people and I certainly don’t want them involved in it.

Next Bank Holiday we will visit the zoo or perhaps go for a walk and save the stress of driving for midweek. Keep calm and carry on driving. Unless your stuck in a carpark. Then freak the F out.

I hope you had a great Bank Holiday, what did you get up to? Let me know in the comments…

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30 Comments

  1. May 11, 2016 / 8:44 am

    Haa haa haa – I have been in this situation and now avoid shopping of any kind on bank holiday (or christmas). My hubby had to work too – I was not impressed

  2. May 11, 2016 / 11:56 am

    I think the best place to enjoy a bank holiday is at home to be honest or somewhere I can easily walk to from home, so no traffic and no crowds and certainly no shopping.

    • firstooth
      May 11, 2016 / 8:43 pm

      Definitely not next time

  3. May 11, 2016 / 12:25 pm

    Wow sounds like it got very heated, we live on a main road that leads to one of the top theme parks, so you can imagine what the traffic is like, I must admit I get angry when trying to get out of my drive if cars have seen me wait for ages and I have a space big enough to get across the road and the idiot doesnt let me in. When it is quite obvious I am on my own in the car, and if I was going to theme park I would have gone ages ago. I do get heated behind the wheel if others are in the wrong as we all have to queue, I am also considerate. We had a quiet relaxing bank holiday and stayed at home x

    • firstooth
      May 11, 2016 / 8:42 pm

      You had the right idea!

  4. May 11, 2016 / 7:56 pm

    I wouldn’t have let the idiot in either. I hate those selfish drivers who think everyone else in beneath them. but OMG 45 mins. I may have had a toddler tantrum and ran off too. Bless you. I hope the rest of the day was the enjoyed and that Fireman truck has been played with LOTS. Another bank hol soon. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx

    • firstooth
      May 11, 2016 / 8:41 pm

      I kept saying let’s get out and wander a little more, but Mr F was determined we wouldn’t be beaten. I still don’t think we won. He definitely enjoyed playing with his truck, it’s lost a wingmirror already! Xx

  5. May 11, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    LOL bless you, my nephew hates public toilets too and won’t even go in the bushes!

  6. May 11, 2016 / 10:54 pm

    Oooh my girls would love to visit a Castle!!! My older girls have always been awesome in the car, however my littlest is so bad. We can’t drive more than about 30 minutes without her crying to get out. I can’t wait and really really hope she outgrows it. Traffic is definitely the worst with a screaming and crying 2 year old in the car. Maybe for us 3 will be the magic number 🙂

  7. May 12, 2016 / 7:20 am

    Wow you coped so well, I am still not convinced I am equpit to deal with these situations.

  8. yvette morgan
    May 12, 2016 / 8:18 am

    I love the drinking pic, looks like one of my lot 🙂

  9. May 12, 2016 / 9:55 am

    I try not to go anywhere on Bank holiday Monday’s, I worked in tourism for many years and they were always CRAZY! We usually just to the local park if it is fine x

  10. May 12, 2016 / 10:39 am

    Ha I love a good bit of argy bargy-I would’ve wound down the window and enjoyed the angry man in the very small car getting even angrier! I usually work weekends and bank holidays so it’s just another day to me. I do like my quiet, calm days off in the week for getting things done (even if I miss out on a good fight now and then!) #Whatevertheweather

  11. May 12, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    My son always pee outside. He has got this nice timing of needing to wee when we are miles away from a toilet so I do what we need to do and pee on the wall. I think my son have marked every wall where we here =P

    #whatevertheweather

  12. May 12, 2016 / 2:22 pm

    Our weekends and bank holidays are spent away from the crowds. We did try going to a retail outlet on a bank holiday but vowed never to do it again. I’m pleased you were able to find a Fireman Sam truck for your kid. #BloggerClubUK

  13. May 12, 2016 / 6:33 pm

    We spent our bank holiday the same way we seem to spend all too many of our precious weekends….at a sodding kids party!
    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub x

  14. May 12, 2016 / 10:05 pm

    This was a brilliant read, really made me think of all the ‘bargaining’ I have to do with my toddler! #whatevertheweather x

  15. May 13, 2016 / 12:45 pm

    Traffic jam with the kids is hell. A traffic jam without the kids and my ipod plugged in is however, heaven! Thanks for linikng up to #FridayFrolics

  16. May 13, 2016 / 9:19 pm

    Oh bloody hell!!! It was making me cringe just reading it. You poor thing!!! What a nightmare.
    Thank god for the lidl bread stick!!!!!!!!!!
    Next bank holiday – pj day at home.xxx

    • firstooth
      May 14, 2016 / 7:26 am

      Haha yes!! Otherwise we’d have to do and emergency run in a shop for any old rubbish x

  17. May 14, 2016 / 1:16 pm

    We went to our local zoo where the kids ran riot – and of course it rained!! #bestandworst

    • firstooth
      May 14, 2016 / 2:50 pm

      Oh no!! That’s the sods law of Bank Holidays

  18. May 15, 2016 / 4:42 pm

    Oh no, that sounds awful being stuck in the car park, I do find my OH finds it difficult to keep calm and not sigh every 10 seconds in these situations! I hate the potty training stage, convincing children to wee in a toilet is not fun! My eldest never wants to go and will still have meltdowns when you ask him to go (over 6 hours since he went last time!!). I hope littlest wants to use the toilet! Thanks for linking up to #Whatevertheweather x

  19. May 16, 2016 / 11:51 am

    hahahahah the things we do to get our little ones to behave or to not pee in public. They always remember the bribes don’t they. What a crazy man too!! You know everyone else has somewhere to be too, their is no good to come of cutting in. At least you got some much needed entertainment! Here’s to the next bank holiday. x

  20. May 17, 2016 / 9:11 am

    lol bank holiday outings can equal stress & exhausted children & parents. Your son is very clever to bargain up to a Fireman Sam truck. We have a set of those – they are a great toy!! Thanks so much for linking up with #bloggerclubuk

    • firstooth
      May 17, 2016 / 5:19 pm

      They are fun he has the entire set now but fireman Sam is a bugger to get in any of it, he’s a little too long x

  21. May 17, 2016 / 5:05 pm

    I LOVE this!!! It’s a bit like what driving in Dubai is like (crazy!) and the bribery for peeing well we’re there with you. Though he has started to pee in a water bottle. Which if you aren’t careful splashes you. #justsaying….

    • firstooth
      May 17, 2016 / 5:16 pm

      That’s really clever and I’m stealing that idea!! We must label that the pee bottle though…

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