We’ve Not Had A Day Like This In A Long Time

You know when you feel like you’ve nailed motherhood? You’ve had a string of good days and you think ‘NAILED IT’ then out of nowhere life throws you a real sh*tter of a day. One of my recent posts was about finding toddlerhood easier than I ever though. While I stand by this, I feel the Gods of Smugness were looking down the day I clicked ‘publish’ and thought ‘lol, you wait ’til Wednesday, you wait’.

I’m not sure if I woke up in an awful mood and I I had next to no tolerance for little annoying things, or if the day had many more little annoying things than usual. I am sure I lost my sh*t and I’m very sure I felt extremely guilty at bedtime when both my babes told me they love me.

The day started with both children in a good mood. It started that way and then quickly flipped.

Neither baby beasts wanted their breakfast, most of that went on the floor. Their thinking process is “don’t want this. Throw it on the floor. Mummy will clean it up. She always cleans it up” and swears a little while doing it.

I’d loved to have eaten their snubbed at toast, but unfortunately I have an ulcer right at the back of my tongue which has made swallowing feel like I’ve just had my tonsils out. I was limited to pureed fruit and spinach which had gone a little watery, I don’t even know what possessed me to buy spinach in the first place. Maybe the sign of green in the fridge makes me feel healthy, before it’s thrown away. Or blended into a smoothie. So throwing their delicious looking toast into the bin made me a little sad.

I asked where they fancied going today and both agreed to go to the farm, but we need to get dressed to go there. They were happy to take their pyjamas off but the idea of putting a fresh set of clothes on sent them into hysterics, while running at full pace around the house. Obviously one fell over, at least their tears meant I could cuddle them into a pair of jeans.

My girl then decides to raid my makeup box, find the little pot of blush with a broken lid and launches the contents into our beautiful cream carpets. Now with a hint of pink, like a tie-dye carpet meant for the 60’s.

After I’d negotiated clothes onto the kids, I had to prepare the lunches.

(I only managed to get them dressed because I allowed my son to choose their outfits. They looked weird, but they were dressed)

When I prepare lunches for an outing I always say ‘we’re having a picnic’, it sounds much more enticing doesn’t it? So in our picnic we were having a peanut butter sandwich, a pack of cheddars and a nectarine. I can’t make a lunch in peace though because the kids always want things, they need wees, new nappies, a certain tv programme on or the cat. He wanted the black cat.

(They had this lunch, I had water. I wanted biscuits, but obvs not possible with my unfortunately placed ulcer. I hate that ulcer. I wanted nothing more than to sprinkle salt on it and watch it shrivel up to nothing, like a slug.)

“Well where is the black cat?”

“Don’t know”

“Where did you have it last?”


“You go upstairs then darling, while I finish making your picnic”

“No, mummy get it”

“I don’t know where it is though, just pop up and get it for me”


I’ll  go and bloody get it then. Easy to find, right at the top of the sodding stairs. But it turns out he doesn’t want it now anyway. What he does want to do is continue to scream and have a tantrum, because he’d started already, why stop now?

We can all scream, I’m just going to sit in the toilet and scream into my hands for a few seconds, before declaring we’re not going to the farm and both of you can sit in your beds for the rest of the day. This sounded like a pretty solid idea, although going out is much better than staying home, things will be better once we’re out. I will threaten to cancel the day numerous times until they just let me prepare their picnic by angrily spreading peanut onto a slice of bread.

My boy beasts’ screaming is being bellowed with such force that I want to rip my ears off. I put him in his bed to calm down. Which of course, only makes him worse.

By this time I needed a timeout, just a couple of minutes to wonder why I’m behaving like such a bitter mum. When I walked back into his room he immediately apologized. This made me feel awful, I hugged him so tightly and he ended up helping me make the lunch.

His sister on the other hand pulled everything out of the bag as I put it in there. Really helpful.

On the journey to the farm, both toddler terrorists were demanding milk. I had to say ‘in a second’, every second.

The first hour on the farm was lovely. We were all enjoying stroking the animals, having a wander everywhere and things started to look up. Until it was time to have lunch.

We found a nice bench to sit on with full view of a tractor, the birds and a few pigs. A perfect location for them to eat their angrily spread peanut butter sandwiches. My darling boy ate his sandwiches and sat nicely. My weird daughter didn’t. She straightened her legs, leant forward, fell off the bench and faceplanted the floor. She cried but she landed on her hands and sandwich, she was absolutely fine. The most annoying part was I was on my phone at the time trying to call Mr Firstooth, so although I saw her tipping forward, I didn’t have time to catch her and it must have looked as though I was neglecting them for my phone. I never do that in public. Just at home.

I sat Miss M back on the bench, gave her a new square of sandwich and she did it again. Straightened her legs, leant forward and in slow-motion face-planted the floor. I’d run out of sandwiches not covered in mud by now so we packed up and left.

“You can thank your sister for this, we’re leaving now because she couldn’t sit properly”

I’m laughing as I type this, mostly at how she fell off the bench. But it felt like the end of the world at the time. Instead I thought we’d go to the beach, the kids could sleep in the car and they’d wake up refreshed and we’d all feel more positive about the day. So I strapped the kids into their seats and quickly gave their dad a call to let him know about our day. He decides to drop the bombshell that another job has come in and he will be “really late home”. Fantastic.

I drove to the beach and on the way we stopped at a set of traffic lights. Does everyone understand traffic lights? Green means go, red means stop (unless you’re in Paris, then anything goes apparently!). I was sat in the lane to turn right. The light for this lane was red. Red means stop. The light for the lane on the left of me, to go straight, was green. Yes, green means go. The idiot behind me obviously left his contact lenses at home that morning because he started beeping me. I felt my temper levels rise with each beep. Like a lady, I swore like a sailor about how much of a ‘twit’ this man was and waited until our light went green. Because green means go.

I hope he felt like the silly billy he was when he realized how a traffic light system works. The little devil.

When we arrived at the beach, both of my babes were asleep. They look so cute when they sleep. So I sat in the car with them and watched the waves rolling in and out for a while before leaving to go to Tesco. We needed milk.

I was right about their nap, they definitely were much chipper when they woke up. We enjoyed our afternoon and once dinner-time came I decided I’d eat just after they had finished.

I sat down to eat my meal and the following happened:

  • Child 1 wanted chopped fruit
  • Child 2 then wanted the same
  • Child 1 needed a wee
  • Child 1 then needed a poo
  • Child 2 climbed onto the table
  • Child 1 needed another poo
  • Child 1 wanted to watch Peppa
  • Mummy wanted to watch the Real Housewives of Cheshire
  • Child 2 fell off her car
  • Child 1 wanted a third dump
  • Mummy gave up with dinner because, what’s the point

The next day, we had a great day

You know when you wake up in a bad mood and it makes the day seem that little bit more challenging and those tolerance levels are shockingly low. Sometimes I need to check myself before I wreck myself, but we’re only human and we all have our bad days.

I hope you enjoyed our perfect day out. If you’re fluent in sarcasm then please join us on Facebook. Or you can subscribe, it’s one e-mail a week with all the latest posts.

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  1. April 16, 2016 / 11:30 pm

    I remember beach days when mine were tiny I felt like I spent my whole time queuing up at toilets with one or another. Thank goodness for good days in between. #KCACOLS

  2. April 17, 2016 / 6:04 am

    Hey at least after their nap things improved but your tolerance had slipped so it all got out of perspective! You should come share this on #abrandnewday on Tuesday! Hopefully this was just a blip! #KCACOLS

    • April 21, 2016 / 3:36 pm

      Hi, you came and shared it on #AbrandNewDay! Thanks! Hope you’re having a whole load of good days at the moment!?

  3. April 17, 2016 / 6:44 am

    As I lay here on the sofa whilst my toddler plays, having being woken up a whole 2.5hr earlier than usual I feel like today could be one of those days you speak about where you wake up in a bad mood and everything in the day seems terrible. I’m trying not to make it like that but the fact that I’m back at work after two weeks off also makes me grumpy! I’m trying to be happy, I really am! #KCACOLS

  4. April 17, 2016 / 6:52 am

    This is sooooo funny! I feel terrible that I’m sitting here laughing at your bad day, but it’s only because I know exactly what those days are like! The bench incident with your daughter sounds hilarious, but I can imagine it being one of those times when I would be muttering “what the fuck are you doing?!” as I picked her back up!

    • April 17, 2016 / 6:52 am

      Oh, forgot to mention that I found you post on #KCACOLS

  5. April 17, 2016 / 7:31 am

    Ohh I have these days quite a lot. You have all good intentions of doing something nice and going out for the day but sometimes it’s just not meant to be. I just think enjoy the good days as much as you can!Glad you managed to have a nice afternoon xx #kcacols

  6. April 17, 2016 / 7:45 am

    Oh bless you I hope that your ulcer clears up soon. Kids can be a nightmare sometimes but I guess that is all part of the gig!

  7. April 17, 2016 / 9:57 am

    This is my life! Sorry to chuckle but I did really enjoy reading about your day whilst feeling”yaaay, i’m not the only one!” It’s good job we have good days as well 🙂 #KCACOLS

  8. April 17, 2016 / 10:15 am

    Oh dear, I have this all to come with my baby girl! At least you tried to have a great day out! xx

  9. Baby Anon
    April 17, 2016 / 11:25 am

    Sounds like a challenging day 😉 Great post.
    My parents say that my attitude can change in a moment…one minute we are having fun, the next I’m furious x

  10. April 17, 2016 / 1:50 pm

    Love this! It’s kind of pointless to plan days out with kids because they nerve turn out as planned. I only have one – I can’t even imagine the logistical nightmare of trying to coordinate two little personalities. I’m slowly learning that if I significantly lower my expectations, we all end up enjoying the day more. #KCACOLS

  11. April 17, 2016 / 2:14 pm

    I feel your pain, but it is worth that for every bad day there is a dozen good days……..just wait until they are teenagers!

  12. April 17, 2016 / 3:24 pm

    I use ambesol on an ulcer, it’s a little pot of liquid that works wonders for me, from chemists and such. I hope it goes/has gone, as they’re really bloody annoying. #kcacols

  13. April 17, 2016 / 3:26 pm

    Oh I’m sorry, but I was laughing a fair bit reading this! Partly because a lot of it sounded so familiar and partly because of the story of your daughter falling off her seat twice in a row (poor thing!). It’s strange isn’t it, how some days you really do just wake up in the wrong mood. We all have those days though! x #kcacols

  14. April 17, 2016 / 3:30 pm

    Haha this sounds like every day in our house!! With four children, most of our days out result in tears and me saying to my husband on the drive home, “Why do we bother?!”. It’s good to get out though, even when it’s hard work, but wouldn’t it be lovely to just have a relaxing, lovely day where everything went to plan?! #KCACOLS

  15. April 17, 2016 / 4:36 pm

    What is it with children never managing to ‘go’ all in one go? Mine seems to spend half his days in the loo. I admire your restraint, I completely meltdown at events like described we never would have left the house! #KCACOLS

  16. April 17, 2016 / 7:07 pm

    Ha I laughed loudly and snorted at ‘Toddler Terrorists’ im mentioning that term to my sister who has twin boys and they are 18 months x

  17. April 17, 2016 / 7:25 pm

    Really enjoyed this piece and enjoy your writing style xx

  18. April 17, 2016 / 8:19 pm

    I am currently out of the ‘toddler zone’ with a 5yo and 9m old. I remember having days just like this and that was only with one! Oh and I hate it too when people get narky at traffic lights when THEY ARE IN THE WRONG! x #KCACOLS

  19. Allyson Greene
    April 18, 2016 / 1:14 am

    Oh you put it so right, we all have those days, and our children have those days too! best part of those days is that they next day is usually great! #KCACOLS

  20. April 18, 2016 / 6:18 am

    We definitely all have those days, and I’m definitely less tolerant if tired or in a bad mood! #KCACOLS

  21. April 18, 2016 / 6:20 am

    Oh my goodness I absolutely loved this post!!! I had a day like it last week, (in fact they are starting to get fairly frequent…) so can totally relate. Hope your day today is a good one!!

  22. April 18, 2016 / 7:40 am

    Oh dear, yes I know exactly what you mean. My little one is just developing the art of a good tantrum. Today we had one over: not being giving sweet corn for breakfast; cleaning teeth; socks; having to wear a nappy. That was before we even left the house to get to nursery by 7:45. Oh man. I really don’t know how stay at home Mums survive. I go to work for a rest. I hope you have to lovely days soon. The thing is with little ones they can be Devils one day and Angels the next. It’s a shame you can’t predict. #KCACOLS

  23. April 18, 2016 / 7:07 pm

    The joys of parenthood, ey? This has pretty summed up the past 2 weeks for me haha. And I’m yet to meet #2, so they’ll throw me into overdrive I’m sure! It’s lovely that we can all share our stories and stick together though. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

  24. April 18, 2016 / 8:08 pm

    Sounds like a very eventful day haha, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of these when Lucas is walking and talking x

  25. Kerry Norris
    April 19, 2016 / 9:21 am

    Oh this reminded me of a day I had last week. I lost my sh*t far too many times than I care to mention. I feel so guilty about it as you say. But hey we are only human x

    • firstooth
      April 19, 2016 / 9:24 am

      Exactly we all have the odd off day. Where losing our sh*t seems incredibly likely! X

  26. April 19, 2016 / 10:19 am

    Ive had bad days like this when nothing goes right or Blake’s being fussy. All part of being a parent is kids being like this.

  27. April 19, 2016 / 10:51 am

    We all have bad days, and I agree we are only human, makes those better days even more pleasurable 🙂

  28. Mommy's Little Princesses
    April 19, 2016 / 1:10 pm

    Oh yes I just love days like this NOT! Lol.
    I’m glad things improved a bit after their nap. Eating when children around requires skill I tell ya. The only time I can eat in peace is when my two are asleep. Hence that’s when the junk food comes out.xx #KCACOLS

  29. The Pramshed
    April 19, 2016 / 3:13 pm

    Oh Lizzie this sounds like such a stressful day for you, it’s funny how the way that we feel has such an impact on our day. We are only human and we all have days where we feel like this. You tried to make the best of the day, and it sounds like you all had fun once you got to the farm before lunch. I must say I did have a little giggle whilst reading this when I got to the bit about falling off the bench, sorry, it’s great that you are able to look back at laugh at it. I love your little one’s dress, is it from M&S, I think we might have the same. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday. Claire x

  30. April 19, 2016 / 6:43 pm

    Oh I feel your pain! Kids are great aren’t they? I enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing. Kaz x

  31. April 19, 2016 / 7:53 pm

    Ah thank goodness for the good days to make these days fade away in our memories. We’ve had a bit of bad day today and so I am just hoping tomorrow is a better one. xx #MarvMondays

  32. April 20, 2016 / 12:40 pm

    There’s no logic like a toddler’s logic! Mine are five and seven and now I spend my days trying to stop them bickering!

  33. April 20, 2016 / 9:29 pm

    Oh I have had many a day like this!! As you say at the end, the next day is nearly always lovely and you have to chalk the previous day up to ‘experience’ but at the time it feels like it will never end. Keep going xx

  34. April 21, 2016 / 8:13 pm

    Hahahahaha! We’ve all had days like this! Although not with quite so many poos – impressive. I laughed out loud at the cuddling your child into their trousers bit. Also, I could completely visualise your daughter fallng off the bench, mine does a similar thing with throwing herself backwards onto the floor which always results in lots of tears, nutters! 😀 Sorry to laugh at your misfortune – glad you had a better day the day after!
    x Alice

    • firstooth
      April 21, 2016 / 8:52 pm

      It’s ok I’m glad we can laugh about it now! Theyre so strange when she kept doing it I was screaming in my head WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS AGAIN. Crazy!! X

  35. April 21, 2016 / 8:40 pm

    This happens to all of us. It’s one of the joys of being a parent. They just keep throwing those curve balls the minute we think we’ve got it

    • firstooth
      April 21, 2016 / 8:50 pm

      They sure do! It keeps us on our toes

  36. April 27, 2016 / 7:38 pm

    My mummy has to escape the house with me, as it’s better being out than in…. But with two terriers! Not so sure she could manage. Sounds like you are doing a great job X everyone has crappy days xx #whatevertheweather x

  37. April 29, 2016 / 8:20 am

    Sadly mine are 9,7 and 4 and we still have days like this!!

  38. May 2, 2016 / 5:44 pm

    I know those days so well! It definitely doesn’t help when you start off the day badly, everything else just follows suit. Sounds like you had some great times during the day, I always try to remember those good parts and forget the rest! Thanks so much for linking up to #Whatevertheweather, hope you have some great days this week. 🙂 x

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